Episode 4 Final
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals. Using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new Heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writers, speaker and coach Crystal Obregon. Hi. This is Crystal Obregon of Crystal Obregon Coaching. And this week, I'm going to talk about one of the things that I wish I knew before I became a parent. And that is that being a parent is the most important
[00:00:50] leadership position that I will ever have. So in the past month I started coaching on the certified high [00:01:00] performance leadership sessions. And if you don't know the way it works as a certified high-performance coach is that each year that you certify or re-certify, you get a new set of 12 curriculum. Based sessions.
[00:01:20] And these are personal development based sessions and you have to re-certify every two years, but you can re-certify as often as every one every year. And there, there are four sets of sessions. So the firs-t time you certify you get the core sessions and it was a really important, I could go through these with my clients over and over again, with my membership.
[00:01:51] They are available to go through no matter what your cohort you're in, you can always go to the previous cohort and it is always valid [00:02:00] to go through those again, they're based on the six high-performance habits and the second year that you, or the first year that you re-certify your second year, you get the charts sessions.
[00:02:13] The third time you raise you certify you get the declaration sessions and the fourth time you re-certify. Are you certified, you get the leadership sessions. And so I got the leadership sessions this past smart, and I just started coaching on them in the past month. And, and so basically I've coached through the other sessions with this client.
[00:02:40] And so something that really struck me is that running a household or leading a family. Really is a huge leadership position. And many of my clients, not all have never been, even though this is high-performance coaching, they've [00:03:00] never been in this outside world, big leadership position. Right. Corporate or in some other big organization.
[00:03:09] However, these sessions still really apply because many of my clients been leaders of their families. And it's just as valid in fact, probably more so because it's 24 7. So today I wanted to talk about the four principles and major principles of defining leadership and how those, how I've seen those applied in my, in my personal life, in my family.
[00:03:42] And as, as a wife and a mother. So the high-performance, I'm going to read this just so I get it right? Cause I'm coding. The high performance Institute defines leadership as the process of leaders and collaborators coming together. Through an influence [00:04:00] relationship and seeking changes that reflect their mutual purposes.
[00:04:05] So that's somewhat of a technical definition, but I'm going to go through the four points, the four key points of leadership. And even though that's the technical definition, if that's not family life, I really don't know what it is because. Just dislike. Leading a high power team gone are the days of being leading and in an authoritative way, most members of teams in companies or corporations or organizations.
[00:04:37] Just won't just don't function that way anymore. And, and even when I was a kid in my family growing up, it was really, it was on its way out. Parenting has changed. Co-parenting has changed being in an intimate partnership. And the other person has changed and we are no [00:05:00] matter how it looks on the outside, our world is evolving in.
[00:05:05] And this is one of the ways that it is evolving. The most effective leadership is intentional, which is why the most successful leader. Do you formulate a leadership philosophy? And that's why I've noticed that parents that have formulated a parenting philosophy or even a marriage philosophy or partnership philosophy.
[00:05:30] It doesn't have to be marriage together. Do you have less conflict? Doesn't erase that completely, of course, but they do have less. I know I'm really grateful that my husband and I have formulated together pretty similar parenting philosophies. It's this, like I said, it's not a hundred percent. If you're close, it just does make things a lot easier.
[00:05:52] These are the four keys points of leadership defined by the high-performance academy. And then. To my [00:06:00] experience and philosophy as a mom. So the first is that leadership is a process leaders and followers or collaborators come together. They build a relationship, they decide where they're heading and then they work together to create changes in the status quo.
[00:06:20] So in a family it's first, the two partners. Or future parents or not, the still applies that collaborate and build their relationship. And ideally these two people aren't satisfied with the status quo. They're building their relationship while growing personally as well. And they're trying to make it better and better.
[00:06:45] And then when kids come along, not only are, they are their relationship, obviously changes. And I used to really that's something that just popped into my head. It's not in my notes. When I taught childbirth classes, [00:07:00] I had 12 weeks am. I don't know what it is about 12 weeks, but I had 12 weeks. I've working with prospective parents.
[00:07:07] And we did a lot of work around building their relationship and developing positive habits that would serve them as parents. So when kids come along, hopefully they are leaders in that relationship that. That changes, that role changes as the kids grow. So when you know, you have a newborn baby, they're completely reliant on you.
[00:07:32] And then as they grow older, it does become a more collaborative relationship when it doesn't become more collaborative and we all do it and we try and parent. The same way we did a year or two earlier, even there's often trouble and it's, and it doesn't work. It's not working and it's, it's not as conflict free as we would [00:08:00] like.
[00:08:00] And so our kids are growing, becoming their own cells and we also have to grow our leadership style and it becomes more collaborative. So that's the first key. So the second key is that we are in an influence relationship with our kids. So again, when they're small, they completely. Imitate us, um, from learning how to smile, learning how to do everything, learning how to, how to eat, what to eat.
[00:08:29] They imitate us in order to learn how to be. And I've talked in the past about, about how I really needed to reevaluate my bakery habits. As my daughter started eating solid foods and she wanted to eat what I wanted to eat. So that meant that I needed to just be more intentional first about what I ate in front of her.
[00:08:52] And then she's always been there. Curious and, um, pretty much notices [00:09:00] everything. So it really had to be complete that I was intentional about what I was eating in front of her, because of course, when we a piece, a cookie or something, It's one thing. And then, but it's not always what we want our little babies to be eating.
[00:09:20] So just like what we're eating, we also have to be very careful about what we say in what we do and how we are, because they do imitate us. And, and then as they get older, they're still imitating us, but they do individually rate and they want more input on what's happening in their lives. And those leadership skills become even more important and, and also creating collaborative relationships.
[00:09:50] Also becomes more important because ideally our kids step into leadership roles, um, [00:10:00] depending on their personality in their schools, and then later in their lives and out in the world. And the more that they can, we can be in that collaborative relationship and teach them. To lead themselves the better, the more they thrive out in the world without us.
[00:10:22] And then of course there comes a point where they're influencing us as well, because we are evolving as a society and they do learn things in ways to be at school that actually do serve them better and they do teach those things to us. So the third key of defining leadership is really. Realizing that leaders and collaborators are seeking changes.
[00:10:46] So ideally we are as parents together, whether even whether we're in a relationship or not anymore, we're always relating somehow as co-parents. But also as, as families, [00:11:00] we, we are growing together and there will always be changes that we're seeking together. To make our family run more smoothly, whether it's around chores or, or a school activities or, or just the things that we do when we're together.
[00:11:21] We generally do you want to grow? And, and it's not, I think it's important to have the intention to grow, but we must also actively pursue it. And, and so we do, we need to be active in making changes in our family processes or routines or structures. That worked for everyone involved and an important key in leadership is that people are invested in what they create.
[00:11:49] So that's another way that, that completely top down philosophy, if it ever worked, it certainly doesn't now. So I'm involving them in those [00:12:00] changes so that both leaders, parents, and the collaborators, the kids are seeking those changes. And then related to that is the fourth. And last key is that these changes must reflect mutual purposes.
[00:12:17] So we must envision the changes that we want to make together, and they should represent our common goals as a leader. We must. Learn and be able to communicate our goals to our partners and kids. And they must agree also with those changes and we must decide on them together otherwise, and we've all done it, but we're relying on coercion or manipulation, which really doesn't work in the long-term.
[00:12:49] It may work like while we're right there, it won't work as long as soon as we walk out that door. So one other part of that is. When I [00:13:00] do think about leading my family and it's every day what I do is I keep, especially two of my ten-year dreams in mind, the ones that I write every morning, and then also a third and maybe a forest, but the first, the top two are that I am an extraordinary white and then.
[00:13:20] That I'm an extraordinary mom. And so when I'm making those decisions, when I'm leading the family, I try to keep those in mind. And then a third that I have a little further down the list is that I want my kids to go, oops, hello dogs. That I want my kids to go on a family trip together every year. And so obviously I know, like even when they're adults, especially when they're adults and I realized that probably won't happen every year, but I want them to at least want to.
[00:13:54] So I'm really thinking about my relational goals with them and with my [00:14:00] husband, because I also, before years, when. We're empty nesters. I want to have the kind of relationship that we want to be together and we're doing things together. So both of those, I hope you've enjoyed this and let me know, how have you led in your intimate relationships or your family or your community?
[00:14:20] And do you have. Long-term relational goals in mind when you interact with your partner, your kids, your friends, or your community. Go ahead and let me know in the comments. And other than that, I will see you in here. Next week, have a terrific day and see you soon. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the extraordinary life podcast with Ryder and coach crystal Obregon.
[00:14:49] We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast, too. To find more helpful insights, show notes and more about crystal. Go to CrystalObregon.com that's O B R E G O [00:15:00] N, where you will also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating until next time be extraordinary.