Podcast Episode #30
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals. Using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writers, speaker and coach, Crystal over Obregon
[00:00:35] Hi there. This is Crystal from Crystal Obregon Coaching with episode number 30 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. Over the next few weeks, I'll be interviewing several women that are working towards their goals and dreams and living their brand of an Extraordinary Life. In today's episode, I'm talking with Tina Short, a fellow [00:01:00] mom that I've known since our kids were in preschool over 12 years ago I think.
[00:01:05] Back then, we also spent time at the park with the kids and even went on a couple of mountain bike rides together. But then our kids went on to different elementary schools. And for the most part, we lost touch apart from running into each other here and there around town. I followed Tina on social media for a few years and followed some of her personal journey that way along with being exposed to the art she's been creating.
[00:01:33] I've also noticed that while I know she's come up against some obstacles, like we all do along the way. She's been committed to moving forward and growing personally. So let's get started. Tina, tell my listeners a little bit about yourself.
[00:01:52] Hi, my name is Tina Short and I'm an artist. , I live in Santa Cruz and I have twin sons that are 15 and a half.
[00:01:59] They're going to be [00:02:00] 16 in March and I'm an avid mountain biker and gardner. And I love to spend time outside. And basically I'm just trying to grow up alongside my kids, do my profession that I love so much, which is being an artist.
[00:02:18] Right. Yes. I love that. So tell me a little bit about how you became an artist.
[00:02:27] How did that, how did that come about?
[00:02:31] This is going to sound really trite and pardon me if I sound like this, but I think I was born as an artist with an artist's heart. You know, the way I've seen the world, my whole entire life has been. Through this like Technicolor lens and everything's a story.
[00:02:46] Everything has kind of this magical quality to it. And I can remember being really young and wanting to write. And even in kindergarten, I was writing poem. [00:03:00] And I remember my mom submitted a poem and it got published in the newspaper and I always felt like I just, I had something different to say, and I saw the world differently than a lot of my friends when I was growing up.
[00:03:15] And my mom and dad got divorced when they were about when I was about five or six. And I remember. Sitting down with pen and paper and just feeling like that was my calming place where I could kind of lose myself, but find myself at the same time I could get calm, but I could create something that was so unique.
[00:03:38] Like I had graph paper and I, I realized now I was creating mandalas. I would start in the center and I would build out. And it would just, I would get lost for hours and hours. So I think the circumstances of my life and just kind of, my little artist's heart was always there. And I did art in high school.
[00:03:57] I met up with a really cool group of [00:04:00] people in high school, and we were like the art nerds at Santa Cruz High. We never left the art room and I had the privilege of being taught by this woman, Katie. Who is a local legend at the high school. And she took about seven or eight of us under her wing and really nurtured us.
[00:04:17] And about at least six of us are all artists. Now to this day, one person works at Disney, doing, uh, girl doll designs of Mattel. Another. Person's a really amazing professional artists. I mean, it's, it's really cool. And those kids, those, we were kids back then, but we're still connected now today. And we're still starting new art groups and doing all different types of stuff, which is great.
[00:04:43] So she really knew how to nurture that part of why me and the other students. So that was a really special fortuitous meeting for me at that age. And I just glommed onto that. It was so amazing. So then, , after that, I [00:05:00] didn't. I didn't really take myself seriously because I thought I had to go grow up and do some different stuff.
[00:05:06] And so what am I going to be when I grow up, you know, I had a natural curiosity for the body and physiology and anatomy, and I thought, well, I'll do, , physical therapy. And so I started taking classes at Cabrio or local junior college. I was doing okay. And I was really interested, especially in anatomy.
[00:05:28] I thought that was a really amazing, but when I started to have to dip down into the, the physics, the chemistry, and have you missed one and you know, do Toronto proton, it's like your whole equations all messed up. And I thought like, You know, human beings are amazing and spectacular. Our bodies are phenomenally made up out of all of these little tiny particles, but I'm not interested, I'm functioning, but you know, this is, this is not where my heart is.
[00:05:56] And what happened is I had to take an art class at the [00:06:00] same time to get my prerequisites met at Cabrio. And I landed in another amazing artist. Um, As a teacher, she's also a professional artist, but she's was a teacher there and her name was Jane gregarious. Excuse me, my voice. And she was so infectious and so funny.
[00:06:19] And so no nonsense about the way to approach design and color that I was just infected immediately. Like I just felt that I had landed in that same type of feeling that curiosity and the mechanisms, the way the body works, I was way more. In my flow zone. When I was doing that with the art, it's like, oh, if I had this color to this, then that happens.
[00:06:43] Or if I put this type of a design next to this type of design, something, alcohol, I let some alchemy happens. And so I started to really, um, glom onto more into the art department again. And so I was still taking my anatomy [00:07:00] classes and all that, but realizing that I felt more. In the art world. And at the same time, I also had a day job as a waitress when I was going to school.
[00:07:10] And my fellow waitress that was working with me said, I'm going to book a show for you. You're a really great artist. And I said, no, you're not. I never got, so my work it's just too late. It's done. And so I had my first show when I was about 24 years old, 23 or 24 and, um, almost everything sold and I was.
[00:07:33] Kind of in awe, but people wanted to take home something that I had created and go live with it. And so that was kind of the beginning of me going, oh, I can do this. I can actually make money doing this. Maybe even more than a whole shift, you know, at the, at the pub I was working at, I could start making a living doing the art.
[00:07:56] And so that was the path that opened up and I just [00:08:00] walked on. Wow.
[00:08:02] Yeah. Wow. Well, was there a point where you made a definitive choice to depart from that thought of being a physical therapist and, and dive full on into your art?
[00:08:17] Yeah, I think I kind of had to, because I'm, in order to create the type of body of works, that I was.
[00:08:24] You being asked to do, you know, I was doing a signing up for shows and doing more stuff like that, that I had to just realize that that was going to take the amount of time. That it took. I mean, to be in, by the time I, you know, did my exercise for the day and I'm pretty disciplined. So I would do my exercise for the day.
[00:08:44] And then I would, you know, do any errands that I needed to do for my life. And then I would just go at that point, my studio was on my kitchen table and I would get to work, you know, and I would just work on my pieces for four or five hours then. Pretty much the whole day and that did [00:09:00] not include going to, you know, a waitressing job or whatever, but I, um, I always held onto a day job, but I did let go of, I'm going to have, you know, this career as a physical therapist, you know, I, I kept money coming in so that I wasn't dependent on my partner at that time.
[00:09:21] You know, we were both young and we just didn't have a lot, a lot of money, but he was very encouraging of my current work. He just always stood by me and said, you're really good. You should keep doing it. You know? I got this, you do that. I'll do this. So that was really helpful. But I did, I did let go of that idea for a long time.
[00:09:42] You talked a little bit about the discipline of your art and also that idea of not wanting to do your first show and then realizing, oh, okay. This is a thing I could, people are buying my art [00:10:00] and I did talk about just last week. I did a podcast on confidence. And so how, how do you feel like you've gained that confidence as an artist and what tools do you use when maybe that drops a bit?
[00:10:16] Because I know that it does for most people, no matter what they're doing.
[00:10:22] Yeah, gosh, eh, you know, like confidence for me is an ongoing issue. Um, and I don't know why, you know, if I really stepped back and I, and if I were to bullet point my life as if I were, you know, not me, Tina short with somebody else and say like, oh, you have, you know, you have a lot of things that, that make a good quality high, a high quality life, you know, but I still have this inner lack of.
[00:10:51] Confidence. But what I, what I realized is that confidence and this comes from my mom. Oh my gosh. She's both so instrumental in [00:11:00] my life. She bought me a book when I was a kid about 18. That was called, fill the, feel the fear and do it anyway. And I can't remember the name of the author, but she said, you, you have to read this book.
[00:11:13] This is really going to help you. And basically the premise is we're all afraid. We're all afraid of failing and looking like a fool or not being taken seriously or respected and all of those things. But if we get frozen in that fear, Then our gifts aren't expressed, you know, the things that we're here to really do as people don't get to get shared because they're tucked away in a closet somewhere, or, you know, down in our basement because we're busy criticizing ourselves.
[00:11:44] So what that book and what my mom and my partner's confidence at that early time of me being an artist is it gave me a platform to just say, You know, I won't just try and see what happens, which for me switched on my [00:12:00] curiosity, like, well, what would happen if I said yes to the show, like the very first show or what would happen if, um, you know, I felt like I could enter and get into open studios, which is a local event in Santa Cruz.
[00:12:14] And so once I started to get accepted into those shows and I started to say, 'cause my curiosity. My curiosity led me there, you know, ask me. Um, I felt like then I just had to do the work, you know? And when you, when I do the work and when any of us do our work, there's this natural confidence that comes in, you know, like we're watching our kids on our mountain bike team right now, and they're doing the work.
[00:12:40] Like they're turning the pedals over, they're showing up to practice and they're getting strong so fast. I mean, they are seeing their reward. And so it's not a life that for it, wasn't unlike that for me. When I went into my studio and I started just putting my head down and creating the bodies of work that I felt like I was called to do.[00:13:00]
[00:13:00] Not that I looked on some, you know, social media feed or when I first started there, wasn't really plenty. So once I started building my own body of work and seeing it go out into the world and people say, yes, I want to walk home with this painting. And I went to live with it. It just it's this natural don't know, I guess, you know, it's letting go of my fear.
[00:13:29] First of all, and then letting curiosity lead me into my studio and then just doing the work. And then there's definitely times where I don't feel strong or I don't feel confident, but now I have the baseline to know that it's okay. You know, you could go take a couple days off and then go back into your studio when you're ready.
[00:13:50] And I pretty much, once I get to that mindset, I'm in there and I'm doing it and I love it. You know, it's just, there's always going to be hurdles, [00:14:00] but we have to get, uh, kinda, or I had to get, um, enough hours in the studio under my belt. So that. Didn't feel daunting. Right? Does that makes sense?
[00:14:15] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:17] Yes. It does make sense. Yeah, it does make sense. And so do you have a specific routine of getting into the studio or, you know, with your discipline? What do you, what do you do?
[00:14:34] Floppy discipline? Because it's like in the morning, I'll get up, I'll have my coffee, I'll get going. Well, if my kids are with me that week, you know, get them out the door, which is usually early by like eight 30.
[00:14:47] So I have a little chunk of time where I can, um, you know, I'll usually just kind of straighten up my house. Cause I like to have some sort of order because I'm a slight control freak in that way. I don't, I can't focus if there's a lot of [00:15:00] stuff going on around me, so I'll straighten up my house and then I'll go.
[00:15:03] Um, if it's going to be. You know, pre COVID. I would probably go to the gym and go get a workout in, but I stopped going to the gym. So I'll just, I'll really will go into my studio was really cold in there. And I flick on the pellet stove and I started heating it up and I turn on these little twinkle lights I have in there to kind of get the energy going.
[00:15:27] Right. And then I come back into the house and I'll have like my second cup of coffee. And then I'll just, I'll go in. And if I need to straighten up in there, I'll straighten up a little and I'll get my pallet out. And usually I'll start in the morning. And around 10 in my studio, it has to get warm. And so it takes me that long to get going.
[00:15:45] Literally the Patsy artist has to do the punchy stuff. Kind of sad. It sounds like a luxury. Right. And so, um, I'll work from 10 until about. About four hours [00:16:00] and then I'll take a break. If I'm going to go for a mountain bike ride with a friend on some of those days, I'll break up my day. So I'll go for a ride, um, come back hose off and then get back into my studio.
[00:16:11] And my peak times that I really, really enjoy working are actually later. I used to never be like that, but I'll go back into my studio like seven o'clock at night from seven to 10, sometimes or seven to nine. And work. And my son Rowan asked me, he's like, why do you work so late mom? And I said, I don't know, but that's when it's hitting right now.
[00:16:33] So I follow that, um, the discipline, but it's kind of loosey goosey. Do you know what I mean? Like make my. Take it as a job and like, Hey, at least five hours in the studio today, you know, to two hours on the days where I'm just kinda not feeling it. But I do put my button, the chair and just see what comes up.
[00:16:55] Yeah. Because I would assess to sounds kind of,[00:17:00]
[00:17:01] there's a book I read early on the artists, something by Steven Pressfield(The War of Art)and he's, he's actually a writer. And his whole thing is that you got to act like a professional, even if you're an artist, whether he's a writer, you're a painter. , my husband and I have clients that you might hear from that are musicians.
[00:17:25] You don't wait for the inspiration to hit you put your butt in the chair and it shows up or it doesn't, but you're in the chair.
[00:17:34] Yeah. And usually it does show up. I mean, that's the funny thing is. You know, conjuring it up or whatever, it's just, it starts to just tingle and come through. And I usually have to listen to myself, you know, and that's been a really, it's been a really cool way to develop an inner relationship with that artist part of myself.
[00:17:56] I was like, what am I have to say? And if it's [00:18:00] not, so it's not me so much as like, what are we collectively going through as a people right now? What are we all experiencing? That if we were to look at a piece of art right now that we would feel that it makes sense that it touches on some vulnerable part of being a person in this crazy mixed up world, or like, how do I.
[00:18:24] How do I create a piece of work that has almost like, for me, it's like the bittersweet element. I'm just being a human being because we're not, it's not easy, you know, doing all this everyday in and out with a pandemic and marriages that fail and friends that pass and children that get sick. And it just, there's a lot of strife.
[00:18:47] There's a lot of trauma in our lives. But there's also so much beauty and so much grace and so much, um, wisdom that comes from having all these really hard [00:19:00] experiences in our lives. Like how do we collectively feel those things together? And so when I'm gathering at my feelings and my emotions for what I want to create, that's kind of where it's coming from as a, what do I want to connect us with?
[00:19:15] You know, our humanity. And so my work can seem really naive and really kind of flat looking. And like, I, I consider myself a folk artist because I'm trying to tell the stories of my community or of myself within a community. And so when I'm sitting down to make something there, that's where my discipline comes from.
[00:19:40] And that's part of my inspiration comes from, and usually those pieces are the ones that. People get, you know, the ones that I'm just kinda like grabbing out of thin air, you know? And I'm just like, okay, I'm just going to paint today. I don't really, I just need to paint something and it, I just know the difference.
[00:19:56] I don't know how to put it into words and people know the difference too. [00:20:00] There will be a painting that I, for example, that I made and I have a show open studios, and I'll just everything that I've been feeling kind of just comes out the way it needs to come out and. It's on the canvas and it says something to me and I'm, you know, I'm resonating with it.
[00:20:18] Nine times out of 10, four, people will want to purchase that painting all at the same time. You know, it's like how I was going to buy it. No, I was going to buy it. So that's kinda like my empirical evidence for me as an artist is, and when I feel that thing, we all feel that thing. And that's that connectedness that I believe is what artists do we connect?
[00:20:40] To each other, through our art or humans connect through art because there's no formula for it. We just know it when we feel it. Does that
[00:20:50] make sense?
[00:20:50] Like, I feel like it's just, it's a way to communicate without words, those things that we cannot. And so my [00:21:00] work I feel like is to get in touch with myself when I put my butt in that seat, but to get in touch with all of us.
[00:21:07] You know, it was almost like a service position is the way I see it. Yeah.
[00:21:12] Ironically, another friend of mine, we raced bikes together, back in college, but she's an artist. She posted some pictures of the artwork coming at four open studios this past fall. And there was one piece that I was like, oh my God.
[00:21:29] And it just brought out so much emotion. It still does.
[00:21:37] I went the next morning to check it out. My husband doesn't know this he'll know it now because he's going to edit it. I had to buy it, but then of course, I left it there for this several weekends. It's brings out emotion because it's a little bit to do with the fires that happened in the mountains last [00:22:00] year.
[00:22:00] And honestly, it's in my closet. It's like not ready for it to come out yet.
[00:22:08] But she said, oh, I could have sold that so many times over that weekend, because it was clearly was something she's like, you were smart,
[00:22:17] an integral part of the community. Like everyone, there was a collective trauma that happened around that and fear. But then also that was just one part of it. What really happened is we got to see.
[00:22:29] The community come together. We got to see the power of what happens when people say I'm going to stay up here and I'm going to fight this fire. Or however that works, you know, at that time, is there some beautiful bloom that happens on the outside of that collective trauma? And the bonding around that.
[00:22:47] And so that art show that that's amazing. That's really, really cool. And she'll probably do if she could limited edition prints because that wouldn't be smart
[00:22:59] at kind of [00:23:00] a stained glass, like mosaic piece. So,
[00:23:03] oh, I would love to see it. I love seeing
[00:23:11] What's one piece of advice that you'd give somebody either just starting out in your career or even that younger self then have to be your 18 year old self, but your younger self.
[00:23:27] Well, that's a, that's a really good question because, um, first I'll start with the younger self. Like what, what would I offer my younger self?
[00:23:35] And this is what some, I had a mentor when I was. Just kind of starting out and I wasn't 18, I was about 24, 23 or 24. And she said, paint, what? You know, and paint big, you know, paint what, you know, don't try to paint what somebody else has done. Don't go look at this point. I couldn't look on social media, but don't look through, you know, other people's work and try [00:24:00] to mimic it because it's going to stunt your growth as an artist.
[00:24:04] So to really go into that, tap into that place where. Your voice is asking you to express something as an artist, you know, to listen to that voice and to let that voice guide you as you go to create your work. And inevitably that what you have to say is the gift of an artist is to be able to connect with other people that way.
[00:24:27] And then, you know, so paint what, you know, don't paint, what you think you're supposed to paint or what's is selling in the market. Right? Because it will, it shows when you're painting something that's more personal. And then also the other advice is just play, you know, remember to play when you walk into your studio or you're making art or in, and for me too, just in life.
[00:24:49] Cause I'm, I'm able to play in my studio, but I can take life really seriously. So, you know, just learning to read. Let things go and flow as the way they [00:25:00] should, instead of trying to force things is really, it's been super helpful for me in it. I could probably talk for hours, but
[00:25:15] yeah, right. Yeah.
[00:25:18] That's that's awesome. I can see that. Yeah. I just shared with you before. I don't necessarily consider myself a very creative person because I, you know, I'm surrounded by my daughter. She's an art school and my son is very artistically talented as well. And probably both kids are musically talented too, but my son, he does more with that right now.
[00:25:47] My husband's a musician. And my husband reminds me, well, you know, you are a writer, that's creative. And then in the kitchen, I'm pretty creative too. And I can [00:26:00] see that. Okay, well, I can not want to cook sometimes. But once I'm in the kitchen and I start, then I actually do get into it and, and it does come out.
[00:26:13] Right,
[00:26:14] right. Do you feel like there's certain things that only human beings can do, like make a meal like that? Like you have all these random ingredients and you can just put together something that is so incredible and all the flavors blend together and that's such a uniquely human. Trade right. And to be able to express your love for your family, through your food and the nutrients that are in that food, right.
[00:26:40] That's such a magical thing. And I also feel that that's as an artist too, it's like, it's such a uniquely. Human trait that we can take all of these minerals or whatever, you know, we use as our medium, you know, whether it's in glass or sculpting, but it's event, it mostly comes [00:27:00] from the earth and then we recreate it and we offer it back to our community or our families as this offering of like the way I look at it as love.
[00:27:11] I love you all enough that I'm willing to be vulnerable enough to make this for you. And like even a meal, somebody could be saying, I don't like this, but it's still that you, you took the time, not everyone's going to like my type of art, you know? And I get that. I've had people walk by my art and say, oh, it's so cute.
[00:27:28] I'm like, oh, but you know, It's, um, it's a human trait that we have. And I just, and I keep coming back to this idea of connectedness that is kind of what connects us food and art and music and all these just different pulse points that we get to operate from. And I, I think it's something. Big blessing. My mom said to me, one time she goes, Tina, I don't know if I would want to know you, if you didn't have art in your life, [00:28:00] that's coming from my own mom, you know, and just really need this art thing.
[00:28:04] So it's really integral to me, you know, being a full human being as being able to express my art. Yeah.
[00:28:13] Yeah. I love that. Yeah. So switching to the mom part of your life, many of my listeners are moms and actually whether they are not, they're trying to balance their life between their professional life, their, you know, mom life or relationship, life, and their health and all of that.
[00:28:38] How do you feel like you balance that? And do you have any tips that you would like to share?
[00:28:44] Oh, yeah. I, you know, I'm, I'm pretty, um, intense about the way I do things, you know, so to start out with like, I, I love to exercise. And so I commit to that and I love doing my artwork. And so I commit to that. And [00:29:00] I'm also, I'm a pretty disciplined mom.
[00:29:02] I, I do expect kind of a lot from my kids. So I, I do have to balance all of my likes and passions with. Just the fact that everyday life is always changing and always presenting new, you know, issues to deal with. So how I balance it is, um, Especially having teenage sons that are now pushing back against me a lot more is, you know, therapy's helped me realize, you know, that I don't need to control them in their lives as much anymore.
[00:29:36] I can let them do them. And so that is actually freed up a lot of time for me in my schedule to, you know, go for a mountain bike ride with a friend, if I need to, or. Take some time out and go for a walk with the dogs and, you know, so I think that the balance happens just by the circumstances of my life.
[00:29:56] You know, my kids are older now, so I don't need to hyper-focus [00:30:00] on making sure their lunches are made for them and that they have their shoes tied and all that stuff. I have to like get them out the door in the morning, but, um, let me think of like how I, how I balance it all. The way I look at my, my role as their mom is kind of twofold.
[00:30:22] You know, I, I am showing them, but doing something that you love as possible, you know, doing something that brings you joy as possible. And so I'm fiercely protective of that. Doing my work, you know, and showing them that you, as an artist, there are times when you have to scrap it out. And maybe that means you're working until nine or 10 at night.
[00:30:45] And, you know, doing the studio time longer or doing a show that you didn't think you were going to do. And all of a sudden you get asked, do you know, to put something up and it's like, oh, I got to scramble. So I think that, you know, part of my [00:31:00] role as their mom is to show them. Like I just said one that you can do something you love.
[00:31:05] And two that a woman can be successful at doing something that she really likes and that she can be supported by her partner. So my partner currently supports me tremendously in my artwork. And so did their dad. So I've been really fortunate to have two partners that are. Artistically inclined and they're are also really supportive of me and that when somebody offers you that support, you take it and you take it to the next level, like you really utilize that.
[00:31:33] And so I want them to see that, that I'm not just, you know, waiting around for something magical to happen. I actually work at it and I work hard at it and I work consistently. And so that part of. What I feel is important for them to see as, as a discipline and a love for what you do. And then I'm in my partner.
[00:31:57] Um, our lives have gotten more complicated [00:32:00] by some life circumstances, but we're committed to trying to work it out. And I feel that the natural break that happened, um, and being kind of, you know, nebulous about this, but the way that basically we used to all live together and now he lives separately with his children and I live with my children separately.
[00:32:18] And so that break of households is actually allowed. Me to become even more focused on my children and making sure that they're healthy and happy and that they're on the right track. And as for myself as well. So it's, you know, it felt really painful up front, but there's always those gifts that come in the package, you know, I ain't have to keep on wrapping and I'm like, oh, so there's been some really great stuff that's happened from that.
[00:32:46] And it takes a while to see that, you know, it takes awhile to experience that. But again, that's another part of parenting is like sticking with it long ago. That you get to the part [00:33:00] where you can go, oh, here's the teaching moment for my kids and all this, you know, I didn't totally lose it. I kept it together.
[00:33:07] You know, I managed my life. We're still, you know, I'm still bringing in income from what I love doing. And again, they get to see that and they get to see that yeah, life is going to throw you some curve balls, but you can also handle that. And there might be some extra tears here or there,
[00:33:29] but to see that they get to see life resolve itself and come back together again. And so my partnership is wonderful in the fact that it's afforded me to grow up a huge amount lately. I've really done a ton of work on myself, and I'm really grateful for. Really grateful. I've seen a lot of growth in both my kids on myself and my partner as well.
[00:33:55] And so those are the that's the balance is that sometimes the [00:34:00] universe will come in and. Disrupt something and tear it apart. And it seems awful, but the balance restores itself. Again, there's always this homeostasis that happens in life that I've noticed now that I'm 53. If you were to ask me that when I was 18, I'm like, no, it's the end of the world.
[00:34:20] But you know, it does life rebalances itself. You just have to stay in the boat, right? Yeah. During those Rocky sea moments, Yeah, I totally get you.
[00:34:34] Totally get you. I know in my group sometimes. Do a lot of answering prompts and questions and many women they're surprised, oh, it's not just me going through this and this and this, or, or has, you know, lapses of confidence.
[00:34:52] And, you know, it's great to know that, especially. As we grow older. And I know I try for my [00:35:00] daughter to share with her how women can be kind of ultra competitive when they're younger and feel like there's not enough. And I know now if we come together as women and share and are vulnerable, we'll realize that that actually we all go through similar things and we can get further together than, than.
[00:35:24] No, that feeling of like connectedness of like I'm not alone, but what you just said is super important is that vulnerability in order to feel that. Feeling of being a part of, we have to let down that guard of perfection or the smoke screen of perfection, because I'm going to swear, but we all know that's fucking bullshit.
[00:35:46] Nobody, very few people have that. My best connections and my best friends are the people who we can let all that stuff be, and then even laugh about it. Like even [00:36:00] just thinking you believe it, you know, there's this and then that, and then, you know, it's so important to have that humor around some of the stuff once it's settled, you know, it's not easy upfront.
[00:36:12] That power of women coming together. I totally, absolutely now understand and love. I mean, sure. We can be competitive on our bike or whatever, but like in, in our hearts we don't mean to be that way. Yeah. There's an outlet for it. And then there's a place for the heart space.
[00:36:34] I love it. I just watched this cyclocross race for those of you that don't know, it's this type of cycling.
[00:36:39] My son's really into it. I used to be into it. So it was this world cup cyclocross race, and there was super, super close match with the two leaders. One of them when obviously count both win. And then they're talking later and they're both good friends. And in fact, the place where they were [00:37:00] racing, they shared a hotel room the night before, and I just loved that idea that they were giving it their all, both of them.
[00:37:11] And then I love that. Then they finish and they give each other a hug.
[00:37:15] It was like mastering that craft, you know, mastering what you, where you feel like is your, you know, given. Outlet in life and doing it as best as you can. That's just such an amazing feeling, knowing that you gave it 110%, like those guys did in the race.
[00:37:31] And then at the same time when you're done, you're like, and let me come in and I want to share a meal with you in a beer or whatever, you know, and just reconnect on that very basic level. But what I, what I've found is that. The more intensely. We open ourselves up to those moments of, you know, extreme, whatever, if it's sports or connection with people, the more rewarding it is, you know, it's not less rewarding to be [00:38:00] vulnerable and wide open.
[00:38:01] As we get older, we know that. Wisdom, I think, but when we're younger, it seems so risky. It's so risky to like someone really know, at least it was for me, but I, yeah, I enjoy not having to protect myself as much.
[00:38:21] Definitely. As we finish up here, what's one question that you wish that I would have asked you and how would you have answered.
[00:38:29] Hi. I can't even think of one. I guess maybe the only thing that came up was like, why are you, so why were you so hard on yourself when you were growing up and, or if you were hard on yourself, why were you hard on yourself? And I guess my answer would be is that I was raised in an environment that, you know, both of my parents were.
[00:38:52] Not sure of themselves, you know, they were both really insecure and had a lot of extra baggage and then [00:39:00] they got together and had two children and they weren't. Sure. And so there are a lot of that, um, insecurity on their part, just kind of came through the DNA. Helix is right to me. Um, you know, that.
[00:39:16] Realizing, I don't need to be that hard on myself. And that also for me now as a parent, not to be that hard on my kids, because I remember what that felt like. So it's almost that, you know, how do we break that cycle of doing the things in family patterns that we used to do? Just out of habit. And then we saw our parents doing it.
[00:39:38] I have it. And how do we become more authentically ourselves with our new knowledge? Like, oh, I don't have to do that. I don't have to act like that. How do we let our kids become more authentically themselves and support them in that? And that's really like for me, it's that full circle of parenting as remembering how I felt [00:40:00] when I had my parents.
[00:40:03] Insecurities on me. And then I, I see myself doing that to my kids sometimes. And so I wonder what they would say when they grow up, like how was their experience being parented by me? Right. So the question would be like, why are you, why were you so hard on yourself? You know? And just knowing that that's a part of the culture of how I was raised is very critical.
[00:40:29] So it's taken a lot to shake it off. I leave it outside my studio and just not bring it in. So I hope my kids can get that too. At some point.
[00:40:47] I love that because there is this whole idea. We're all doing the best we can. And that's something that's good to realize. But as kids, there's this idea that up until the age of seven, [00:41:00] everything goes into our subconscious, without a filter. And so everything that our parents are telling us or everything that we're seeing, even if they're not telling us that.
[00:41:11] Are just taking it. It's just taken in as fact. And unless we later and packet and figure out why. We have these certain behaviors or thoughts then we're we are bound to repeat it.
[00:41:27] Yeah. Yeah. It was becoming free from that, you know, it was my goal right now is becoming free from all those patterns that don't serve me anymore.
[00:41:36] And it's so crazy how tightly they're wound around my ankles, you know, I think I'm walking forward and then I'm like, Uh, but you know, they're holding me back and I have to, you know, get fierce and get my sword out and cut them off my ankles because it's just, I want to not carry it forward for my kids.
[00:41:55] And it's, that's what I was talking about earlier. Like that's the work, that's my personal [00:42:00] work that I'm doing a lot of lately is not allowing myself to. Using it as an excuse, like that's just the way I was raised or that's just what I know. It's like, well now I know differently. What am I going to do with that?
[00:42:15] Exactly. And it's probably, I think for all of us, it's, it's a life work as
[00:42:21] well. Yeah. To unpack it. It's yeah. It's accepting it with a lot of joy. And do you ever listen to, I'm probably going to get his name wrong. Jack Cornfeld is a Zen teacher. He recently I've been listening to his book on audible and there's just some moments where I just end up in tears because I'm like, oh my God.
[00:42:48] Especially as one section on parenting. And because I'm so focused on my parenting right now and changing the dynamic and then hearing what he had to say. It was just, [00:43:00] it was perfect timing. And it just made me realize that that is so much of my life work right now. You know, that's part of my art form is being respectful and kind to my teenage kids instead of how I was raised, which was.
[00:43:17] This authoritarian kind of, um, this is just the way it is and you have to do it and you don't have an alternative. And it was Ben, Mike. I rebelled against that and I don't want my kids to have to go through such an extreme rebellion. I mean, they will, and I hope they pushed back, you know, and find their own boundaries and stuff, but I don't want them to have to do what I did just was pretty extreme.
[00:43:42] What's the title of the book, Tina, I'll put it in the show notes.
[00:43:47] It's called Bringing Home the Dharma and it is Awakening Right Where You Are by, Jack Kornfield. I listened to it actually while I'm painting and [00:44:00] sometimes while I'm writing, so that I'm just kind of meditating and listening while I'm writing on these things.
[00:44:05] And it's, it's been so helpful and it's really good because. That is life. That is the practice of being, you know, in the moment. And I, it has an, a wonderful message and it's just awakening right? Where you are. And I think maybe chapter five or six is about parenting, but it's talking about the rigors of letting go of past, you know, mechanisms and finding joy and the connections with people and in life, you know, like all the little gifts of life, all the hard stuff it's there we'll go through it.
[00:44:42] You know, when everyone goes through something right. I have so many friends that are going through, I'm going to I'll stop talking soon. But I wanted to say that I have so many friends that are going through some form of really big, dramatic, intense life stuff right now. [00:45:00] And I went through my big traumas about 10 years ago and, you know, loss and lost my sister and lost my first born child and had to recover from all of those things.
[00:45:12] But I know the path that I had to walk to get back. To showing up as a full person. And, you know, sometimes we show up and we realize that we're showing up with our wounds still, that we're expecting other people to kind of heal us. But the work of healing is so is so deep. We have to keep healing like on all these different levels from trauma.
[00:45:38] And because I've been through those things, doesn't make it a prerequisite that I'm going to know. We know what somebody else is going through, but I have this totally different well of empathy that I would have never had. And I can sit with uncomfortable stuff that my friends are going through and I can be there for them and I can listen and I can [00:46:00] say, yeah, this is really fucking hard, but you're going to make it through, you know, and there's baby steps.
[00:46:05] And you just show up for those people in your life that are going through it. And because I went through it, I feel like I. I can just sit and it's a weird gift. It's a backwards gift to be able to have that, you know, but, and now I think I wouldn't trade it for anything because it's the, it's the web that ties us all together.
[00:46:29] Right. So Tina, I know you need to get out to your studio. Where can my listeners find you online?
[00:46:39] I'm on Instagram at Artygirl324, and pretty much Instagram is where I do most, all of my, uh, social media. New works for sale, um, projects and things like that. And then I also have my website, which is www dot Tina Short.com and there's prints available there.
[00:46:59] [00:47:00] And when I do my workshops, then there'll be signups there for the workshops. And then I'm on [email protected]. But my, uh, my Instagram automatically links to my Facebook. So if you follow me on Instagram, then I can see you on Facebook.
[00:47:15] Great. Well, thank you so much, Tina. I was so excited to see that your son was joining the mountain bike team, and then even more excited to see that you're going to join as a coach, just to get for me, my connections back to my athletic friends.
[00:47:35] Because we go through so many iterations as moms and who the people are around us, so,
[00:47:43] Right.I know. And I love the original connection that we had when the boys were in preschool is still there. That was great that we had so many good fun times. It's hard to imagine their young men now. Right here we go.
[00:47:55] Next phase. You're amazing. Thank you so much for your energy [00:48:00] and just for your honesty. And you bring like this really awesome, humble. Even keel the energy. So I love it. So thank you.
[00:48:10] Yay. Awesome. Well, thank you so much and have a great rest of your day. Thank you Tina, for taking the time to share your story with me and my listeners, I will share your social media and website links in the show notes and everyone else have a great rest of your day.
[00:48:34] And I'll see you in here next week. Bye for now.
[00:48:40] Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast, too, to find more helpful insights, show notes and more about Crystal.
[00:48:51] Go to CrystalObregon.com that's O B R E G O N, where you will also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. [00:49:00] This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next time be extraordinary.
