Podcast Episode #49
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals, using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writer, speaker and coach, Crystal Obregon. Hi there. This is Crystal of Crystal Obregon Coaching with episode number 49 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the last two podcast episodes where I interviewed Nafisa Shireen, coach, mentor and healer.
[00:00:47] She had so much wisdom to offer. So definitely when you get some time, go back and listen to both of those. One of the topics we talked about was fear and [00:01:00] how that can stop you from moving forward, especially if you don't recognize it and do the work to move past.
[00:01:08] This topic also came up in a chapter of a book I was reading last week called the power of your subconscious mind, by Joseph Murphy. The chapter is titled How to Use Your Subconscious Mind to Remove Fear. My immediate reaction to the first few pages was that I don't have a lot of fear. I'm not afraid of speaking in front of an audience other than a few butterflies in my stomach.
[00:01:34] I'm not really afraid to talk to people I don't know, even though I'm an introvert. I'm not afraid of flying, not afraid of elevators. And then it hit me. What I am afraid of is heights. And I can work through it in many cases, but just sitting here thinking about a specific situation gets my stomach all tied up in [00:02:00] knots and really makes my chest start to tighten.
[00:02:04] The specific situation is a mountain bike ride in my area that has some really fun trails, but the catch is that unless you go the really long way around on a busy road, you have to ride or walk over a railroad bridge. The bridge is made of railroad ties that are narrowly spaced. So no real danger of falling through.
[00:02:33] And it goes over a river. I would guess that it probably takes less than a minute to ride over it. I'm not quite sure. To me, it seems like it's five minutes because it's seriously just the longest minute of my life. I really don't think it's more than a minute. . So two years ago, I did the ride with my husband and son.
[00:02:55] Then this spring, I had to go over it with several members of [00:03:00] the bike team. So I knew it was coming up and I was mentally preparing myself the whole time I was bringing up the rear. So the other coach rode over it. And then the two other girls that we were riding with, they rode over it. And so I just rode over it.
[00:03:17] I made it mostly because I was too embarrassed to stop and walk. But seriously, I'm so full of fear and anxiety, just thinking about it. So I generally avoid that ride pretty much at all costs if I can, but the way you do one thing is often the way you do other things. It's not something that necessarily stops me in my career or in other areas of my life.
[00:03:41] So I thought I would break it down because I'm sure that there are other places that fear is slowing me down or stopping me outright. I just can't see it. There are always places where fear sneaks in with each and every one of my clients, [00:04:00] because it is easier to see from the outside. And sometimes they do see it and that's, that could be why they do coach with me is because they do know they have to work through these fears.
[00:04:13] Fear does get to the best of us, whether it's a fear of failure, fear of success, or even a fear of fear, all of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives. And it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful. We are actually only born with two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, I guess, that I can console myself that I'm basically afraid of falling off that railroad bridge.
[00:04:46] However, that normal fear becomes an abnormal fear. When I recognize that I'm not actually in danger of falling off that bridge, or at least the chance is. Pretty small. [00:05:00] I would be in more danger of being hit by a car. If I went the long way around, what makes it an abnormal fear? Is that in my imagination, I can see myself falling from the bridge.
[00:05:13] I can feel even now that sense of shock and horror that I'm falling off the bridge and another person might. Fear forgetting what to say during a speech, or they might have fear of failure when making a career change, or they might fear losing all their money if they invest in the stock market. So one of the tricks is really just to acknowledge what are you literally afraid of?
[00:05:46] It's like turning on the light for your child. To show them at night that there is no boogeyman hiding under their bed. So the answer to that is once you figure out what it is and shine [00:06:00] the light on it, you mentally move in the opposite direction. If I want to move past my fear of going over the bridge, then I will imagine going over the bridge and reaching the other side without incident.
[00:06:16] I would imagine it over and over and over again, until it really replaces my mental picture of falling and lodges into my subconscious mind. Another person might picture themselves delivering the perfect speech, maybe receiving a standing ovation, enjoying success in a new job or a business. They might envision themselves across the table from their date and having an animated conversation if they have that fear of not finding the right person.
[00:06:50] So you're probably getting the picture that fear really can't hold you back forever. If you don't let it. I'm going to share [00:07:00] several more ways to overcome fear and you'll see that most of them really do work all together with reprogramming your subconscious mind. So the first is to separate reality from perception, ask yourself what's really going on, locate the facts like the actual facts and place them over your feeling.
[00:07:25] So the fact is that I'm actually safer riding over the railroad bridge than I am writing on the curvy road with blind turns and a narrow shoulder to right on the second is to identify the trigger, figure out what it is in the situation that triggers you learning to identify. It will help you learn to combat.
[00:07:50] When I'm going over the bridge or when I'm walking or riding on a path with a steep drop-off on one side, what the trigger is, is that I'm afraid I'll make a [00:08:00] mistake and fall off the edge. Super simple three, no. Where the fear lives in your body. A lot of times, fear does take over physically. It affects different people in different ways.
[00:08:17] So identify if and how it affects your physical body and do that work to take care of your body. So for me, fear is held primarily in my abdomen area and maybe in my chest or heart area a little bit. So to take care of myself when I'm experiencing fear, especially if it's something that's going on, that's lasting longer than a ride over a railroad bridge.
[00:08:46] I have to take care of my digestive system. I have to make sure that I don't eat foods that might upset my stomach. Maybe skip that afternoon cup of coffee that I might want [00:09:00] so that I don't get more nervous. Some people also hold stress in their back and they need to learn stretches to avoid the pain or using a foam roller or something to roll it out because that can have a chronic effect on their body.
[00:09:19] The fourth strategy is gratitude. You know, me, I think gratitude is the answer for practically everything. So just list one or two things you're grateful for. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. Gratitude can help shift the mind to a positive light, which over time overcomes your fear. So if you fear losing your job or being laid off, then being gratitude for certain coworkers that you get along with, or that you do have your job.
[00:09:51] Now, it will help shift the mind to a positive light, which over time overcomes this. The fist is to [00:10:00] listen to your inner voice, monitor your inner conversations. If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself, speak positively to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths. So it's not likely that anyone would laugh at me or criticize me for being afraid to go over the bridge.
[00:10:20] So why would I do that to myself? Shift that narrative that I have in my mind, reprogramming my subconscious mind that it's going to be easy to go over the bridge that I am not necessarily going to be afraid. If you have stage fright, then just talk to yourself, nicely. Remind yourself of all the other times.
[00:10:41] You didn't forget what to say or you didn't play the wrong notes. The sixth strategy is to create a new association. This works with replacing the vision of things, going badly with the vision of whatever it is [00:11:00] going incredibly well, focus on the positive outcome because the moment will pass. You will get past that middle part seven is to look at the glass half full perception is very powerful.
[00:11:16] And how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. Think positively, and you'll give yourself a much better chance of success. This won't happen overnight, but you can practice it with just one thought, use your subconscious mind to reverse it and repeat it. And over time, this will become a habit.
[00:11:38] And, um, in that book about the subconscious mind, the author does give several examples of people that were so afraid of losing their job, that they in fact, Ended up losing their job because they repeated that in their minds. So many times that they actually got stressed out and they made mistakes [00:12:00] and didn't perform as well as they would have number eight.
[00:12:05] This is one of my favorites. It's a little more fast acting is if you're in the moment and fear and anxiety, creeping in practice, breathing exercises. Breathing does help center your body when you stop breathing, when you stop breathing, your heart stopped speeding. So you could do a grounding exercise, like box breathing, where you breathe in to a count of five, hold it for a count of five.
[00:12:34] Exhale for a count of five and then hold that exhale for a count of five and then repeat it for a minute to five minutes. I find it takes me a little bit to get into that rhythm, but it can have a great calming grounding effect, or even just take five deep, long breaths at any point to calm and center yourself.
[00:12:59] You can [00:13:00] start your day with this, or you can just do it all day long whenever you need it. The last strategy is to create a safe space because when you feel safe and secure, there's really no room for fear. Find somewhere safe that you can retreat to when. You're bad feelings really begin whether it's an actual physical place like your bedroom or a place in your mind, like the beach of the forest, this sense of comfort will Suze you and really allow you to face your fear.
[00:13:37] That was nine strategies. Not everything works for everyone. There are definitely more strategies out there to get you past your fear. For example, I would also add EFT, emotional freedom technique, also known as tapping because that really works with the messages you're sending yourself and the different meridium [00:14:00] points.
[00:14:00] And I love EFT almost as much as gratitude. So these are good places to start, try implementing these techniques, to see which ones work for you. Don't let fear hold you back from reaching your goals and dreams. Please message me if you'd like help busting through your fears or even figuring out what they are in the first place.
[00:14:26] That's it for now, have a great rest of your day, and I will see you in here next week. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach, Crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast, too.
[00:14:43] To find more helpful insights, show notes and more about Crystal go to Crystal Obregon.com.. O B R E G O N, where you will also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next [00:15:00] time, be extraordinary.