Podcast Episode 70
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the Self Development Podcast propelling you forward toward your goals using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host, writer, speaker and coach, Crystal Obregon. Hi there. This is Crystal of Crystal Obregon Coaching with Episode Number 70 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. Two weeks ago I talked about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and this week I'd like to get a little bit more specific and talk about facing your fears.
[00:00:50] Just like we've all got comfort zones, we also have fears. They're not quite one and the same, although they do work hand in hand, so being [00:01:00] aware of both is important. When you set goals or take steps towards your dreams, your fears are going to come out of the woodwork one by one. They won't necessarily look like fears, but they'll distract you from your goals.
[00:01:16] They'll do their best to scare you so that you'll go running back to your comfort zone with your tail tuck between your legs. But guess what? Fears are only scary because you make them scary. Think about it this way. Why is it that nobody else is afraid of your same fears? The answer is because they're yours.
[00:01:38] You're consciously and unconsciously scaring yourself. Your subconscious wants you to stay the same. It wants to keep you safe, which is why you think of reasons and excuses for staying the same. Sure, we all want some degree of safety in our lives, but we also want to grow, at [00:02:00] least. I'm assuming that you want to grow, since you're listening to this.
[00:02:04] If you want to achieve your dreams, you must face your fears head on. There are quite a few ways to overcome your fears, and in this episode I'll share three. The first is to recognize, then understand your fear. Awareness is always important at any stage of growth.
[00:02:24] Human babies are supposedly born with only two fears. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. If you've had a baby or been around one, I'm sure you've seen their startle reflex in action, and they also cry when they're exposed to loud noises or when they're set down too fast. All the other things we're afraid of are acquired often by our parents or caregivers.
[00:02:51] Try to look beyond your fears and trace them back to their beginnings. Think about when you started to [00:03:00] feel afraid and why. Was it that something happened or was the fear passed on to you? For example, if one of your grandparents almost drowned in a river when they were a kid, they may have a strong fear of swimming in a river.
[00:03:17] So when they had kids, one of which was one of your parents, they may have been fearful of their kids going anywhere near a river and passed on that fear to them. If your parent didn't examine that fear and where it came from, they would've passed it on to you, and then if you don't examine it, you could pass it on to your children, all the while staying away from rushing rivers or even learning how to be near them safely.
[00:03:47] The common sense approach, once you've realized where that fear of swimming in rivers comes from, would be to learn how to swim and learn when to stay out of the river, [00:04:00] or also how to get out of the current, if you do get carried away by the water. The first thing that guides teach you when you go on a rafting trip is what to do when you end up out of the boat.
[00:04:13] It's a matter of rationalizing your fear so that you can find an antidote to it. For example, you could write down your fears on a piece of paper. Then beside each fear, write down the antidote or how you'll overcome it. Give it a try. It's a simple technique, but it works. You might be surprised at what you discover.
[00:04:38] The second tip is to simply keep yourself occupied. When you're busy, you don't dwell on your fears. When you have something more important to do, you're not going to think about your insecurities or fears. The best way to keep yourself occupied is to go and do whatever frightens you. Take baby steps. The simple [00:05:00] act of doing something to conquer your fears may be enough to keep your fear at bay.
[00:05:05] If you have a fear of speaking, for example, in front of people you don't know. Try going to a networking event, either in person or online where you have to introduce yourself to the group. Or the next step could be joining a speaking group like Toastmasters. With every step you take, your courage grows.
[00:05:26] And realize that your courage will be inversely proportional to your fears. So the more courage you gain, the more your fears disappear, and the more you conquer your fears, the more courage you'll have. The two build upon each other.
[00:05:43] The third and last tip is to stop scaring yourself. Fear begets more fear. When you tell yourself you're scared, then of course you're going to be scared, but if you tell yourself you aren't scared, that you don't have [00:06:00] anything to be scared of, and you say it with conviction, then you're not going to be scared.
[00:06:06] Instead of dwelling on the negative narrative, focus on the positive. If you've been rejected at a job you really, really wanted, It's okay to feel sad and disappointed at first, but find a way to bounce back immediately.
[00:06:22] Don't dwell on the negative aspects of not getting hired. For instance, your mind may jump to the conclusion that because you'll be jobless a little longer, that you're gonna starve or you're gonna be homeless or not be able to pay your bills. And when you scare yourself like that, you're not doing yourself any favors.
[00:06:42] What you can do instead is look at the positive side. For instance, you can say to yourself that since you didn't get that job, then it may mean you're going to get a better one. That job would've held you back and wouldn't have contributed to your growth, so you need to look [00:07:00] for a better option. Putting things in perspective like that will let you see that sometimes your fears can be irrational, and when you think irrationally, you let your emotions and your negativity cloud your judgment.
[00:07:15] It gets the better of you. It will actually keep you from moving forward. So really just by shining a light on your fears, you'll be able to see them for what they really are. Perhaps there's an opportunity just waiting for you to recognize and take advantage of it. At this point, you should see that being afraid of leaving your comfort zone is irrational.
[00:07:41] Sure, what lies beyond it may be the great unknown, but it's not all monsters lurking out there. It's all about the wealth of opportunities that lie just beyond the wall you've unwittingly built for yourself. Opportunities that will never present [00:08:00] themselves within the confines of your comfort zone.
[00:08:04] If you're ready to take some steps out of your comfort zone toward your dreams, please join me in one of my Design Your Decade workshops. They're held on Zoom so you can join from anywhere, and they're completely interactive. There's nothing like the power of a group to really help you clarify what you really want and where you want to go. We'll spend some time evaluating 2022. We'll clarify your big goals and dreams and decide what you wanna focus on for 2023.
[00:08:40] This is two hours of your life that will set the stage for moving forward and out of your comfort zone. I'll have the link to the workshop in the show notes. Have a great rest of your day, and I will see you in here next week. Bye for now. Thank you for listening [00:09:00] to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach, Crystal Obregon.
[00:09:04] We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast too. To find more helpful insights, show notes, and more about Crystal, go to Crystal Obregon.com. That's O B R E G O N, where you'll also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next time, be extraordinary.