Podcast Episode #73
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the Self-Development Podcast propelling you forward toward your goals using science-backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writer, speaker and coach, Crystal Obregon.
[00:00:29] Hi there. This is Crystal of Crystal Obregon Coaching with Episode Number 73 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. Last week I talked about self-discipline and how I'm actively working on it right now.
[00:00:46] Honestly, I'm probably always working on it just more intentionally at the moment. And I forgot last week to add, when I talked about self-discipline, that it builds on itself. For [00:01:00] example, if I decide, and I did decide that I want to meditate every morning, it requires a lot of self-discipline at the beginning, but on my 30th day, it's not going to take as much self-discipline to keep going.
[00:01:15] In fact, it will be much easier because I will want to do it because I know it feels good and I'll miss it if I don't do it. It's become part of who I am and what I do every morning. Honestly, I know that because I did have a really good practice for a while and for some reason lost it for a bit, so I'm starting over again.
[00:01:38] At that point, when it becomes easy to do that meditation every day, and I know that I'll do it, or most days, then I can use that self-discipline I've gained to tackle something new that I want to do consistently. I've also gained confidence in doing what I say I'm going to do. That next thing will actually be [00:02:00] easier.
[00:02:00] Go back and listen to last week's podcast if you haven't already. But don't worry, you can listen to this one first. It's part of a series I've been doing on getting out of your comfort zone so that you can achieve your goals and dreams, and they don't have to be listened to in order. But definitely go back and listen to the ones that you haven't.
[00:02:22] With all that said, it's almost Christmas as you're listening to this ahead of the New Year's when we all think about being motivated and self-disciplined, achieving our goals and dreams.
[00:02:35] This week I'd like to talk about motivating yourself when you are in a slump. It's easy to motivate yourself when something is new and exciting that first week at the gym or when you just got the new bicycle, or if you have a lot of momentum already, it's a little easier to keep motivated.
[00:02:58] Invariably though, you'll [00:03:00] hit points where you feel like you're in the doldrums. If you've ever read the children's book, The Phantom Toll Booth, that's part of it. When I read it again to my kids as an adult, I realized that it had many themes that do apply to managing life.
[00:03:18] So if you are in a slump right now, don't feel bad. You are certainly not the only one. If you aren't in a slump right now, good for you. But listen anyway, because everyone gets in a slump from time to time, so it's good to know how to get out of it. It's also why it's important to have and know what your constant source of motivation is. Think of your motivation as the driving force within you.
[00:03:50] It's your why you do what you do or why you want to do what you're going to do. If you lose that motivation, you're [00:04:00] really not going to have the desire to continue with your journey. When you run out of gas, you'll fall back on bad habits. You'll go back and hide in your comfort zone. You'll stop taking action towards your goals or, or you'll stop taking as much action towards your goals.
[00:04:19] You really don't want to undo months and years of hard work. So before you lose hope and surrender, let's figure out how you can regain your motivation.
[00:04:31] First, let's talk about the two types of motivation, extrinsic and intrinsic. These can be helpful to know about, even if you're trying to motivate someone other than yourself, like your kids or your coworkers or your partner. With the first type: extrinsic motivation, you're motivated by external factors.
[00:04:56] In other words, something outside of yourself. [00:05:00] And this often comes in the form of rewards and punishments. For example, you want to succeed because you want to get that cash prize or that gold medal, or you want to become the best in your field because you seek the recognition of others, whether it's your superiors, your mentors, or your loved ones.
[00:05:22] And then the other side of that, when it comes to punishment, some people are spurred into action when they know they're going to be punished or have something taken away from them if they don't achieve what they're trying to achieve. For example, think about if you've tasked yourself to finish something by the end of the week.
[00:05:46] If you complete the task, you're going to reward yourself with an extra day off. If you fail, then you're going to have to keep working through without that extra day off. So it's [00:06:00] two sides of the same coin. When you're in a slump, you can try putting a picture of your reward and or your punishment on the wall so that you don't lose sight of what you're going to gain or lose.
[00:06:14] It works different for different people. Some people prefer to have rewards and some people punishments. If you think about the 75 hard challenge that I was talking about last week and last spring, the reward for completing the daily tasks would be crossing off another day. The punishment of not completing them would be having to start over again at day one.
[00:06:45] So the opposite of extrinsic motivation is intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is self-motivation. It's something deep within you that fuels your passion, your drive to succeed. You [00:07:00] want to reach your goals because you wanna please yourself, not necessarily somebody else. You want to prove to yourself that you've got what it takes to succeed, or you want the satisfaction simply of being the person that you've decided to be.
[00:07:16] For example, if your goal is to be the finest athlete in your sport, yes, there may be money and accolades and all that, but while those things are great, it might not necessarily be why you want to succeed. You might want to become great just so that you can be the best that you can be. It really comes from within.
[00:07:38] When you're feeling down, recall again why you want to succeed. Remind yourself why you want to be great at whatever that is. In the example, the athlete, why you wanna become the greatest athlete ever? Or simply why you want to walk further than you've walked before, or do that [00:08:00] exercise five days in a row or get to the top of the hill faster than you usually do.
[00:08:05] All those things really come from within. It can also be much more subtle. For example, in my Design Your Decade workshops, I lead the participants through a process of envisioning exactly how, they want their life to be 10 years from now. I've talked about this before, but I choose 10 years because in the amount of time of 10 years, most people underestimate what they can do.
[00:08:36] It really allows things to happen because life happens. Things get in your way, like I'll talk about it in a minute. At the end of the process, the participants have 10 statements describing their dreams as if they'd already happened. Some of mine are relational. For example, I want to be an extraordinary wife, or I want to be an extraordinary mom.
[00:08:59] When I write [00:09:00] that in my journal every morning, it reminds me that if I want my husband to think I'm an extraordinary wife, I'll need to treat him in a certain way. That can motivate me to be kind when I might not feel like it, or make him a cup of tea, or just in general have a good feeling about him.
[00:09:20] Same kind of thing with the kids, although I'm not as as worried about them thinking I am an extraordinary mom right in the moment because I know that some of that stuff can come later. Those 10 statements describing my dreams, I recommend that that's something that you write down every day. So I'm basically writing down in my journal every morning.
[00:09:43] That I want to be an exceptional wife, that I want to be an exceptional mom, that I want to be fit and exercise every day. And then there are other goals and dreams. Coming out of a slump and staying out of it [00:10:00] requires making motivation a habit like the journal I write every day, which also requires that you have self-discipline, so they work together.
[00:10:10] So basically what you need to do is identify a new habit that will make you feel motivated every time you do it. And there are a lot of different ways you can do it. I like writing my 10 dreams in my journal every morning, but here's another example. Say you're trying to lose weight, so you want to make it a habit to wake up early so that you can get in an aerobic workout.
[00:10:34] Your motivator is the daily workout because every time you get your heart rate up, adrenaline rushes through your body and it pushes you to work harder because you want to lose weight and feel better, but you also feel better because of that adrenaline, so you feel better afterwards as well. So it's more than just doing it to lose [00:11:00] weight.
[00:11:00] You do your workouts every single day. When the weather's good, you do them outside. When it's bad, you work out inside. Either way, it's a motivator because it makes you feel good in the moment, makes you feel good after, and it moves you towards your longer term goal of losing weight. When you made motivation a habit.
[00:11:23] Like you do with that exercise routine, your goals will become much more attainable. You do your habit out of routine, which translates to your source of motivation being a matter of routine as well. It's also important to be prepared for the inevitable obstacles and challenges that will come your way.
[00:11:48] They can bring even the most motivated person down. Sometimes it's hard to look beyond a great big problem that's staring you in the face. It blocks your view [00:12:00] and you can't see past it. It's like a giant wall that blocks off your access to your dreams and goals in life. When obstacles and challenges have put you in a slump,
[00:12:12] it can be hard just to look beyond your current situation. I talked about my son and his bike racing this year. That's been a big family endeavor too, to do all the traveling. He has big goals and dreams of being a professional bike racer, and of course with athletes it all starts when you're younger.
[00:12:34] And this fall, every time he raced, he'd get a few laps in and experience back pain that really made it impossible for him to go full out, to do what he knew he was capable for. So it was a very discouraging season. He put a lot of effort into getting to these races all across the country to not do well. [00:13:00] As you can imagine
[00:13:02] it's upsetting, especially when you're younger and you don't have a lot to relate it to. Through the process he's been working with a physical therapist, he's identified that he needs to work on stabilizing his core muscles and he has a set of exercises to do that, and those will change as he progresses.
[00:13:24] It will take him several months to see the results of the work he's doing now, and it will be something that he always continues. There's really nothing that he can do about the season that has just passed. But what's important for him and for you if you're in a slump, is to take a breather. Take a timeout, wait for the haze to clear, and then when you can finally think clearly, you also might see a multitude of opportunities to get out of your slump.
[00:13:58] For him, the [00:14:00] opportunity is to do these exercises which take self-discipline, but if you pursue some of those opportunities, you'll come back as a much better person with a much more positive outlook on your life. You'll feel pretty good about yourself and your chances of succeeding at your goals. It's important when you look at your goals and your dreams to really believe that you can achieve them.
[00:14:31] I really recommend that you be sure to recognize what you've done to come out of your slump because it's different for everyone, or to push past your obstacles so that you can use those tools in the future. Much as it's hurt my heart to see my son struggling with his racing and with his school work as a result of missing school to race,
[00:14:55] I can see that the experience was [00:15:00] invaluable and will serve him well in the future. Another thing to add to that is while I don't normally recommend dwelling in the past, I do recommend learning from what worked, whether it's a mindset shift or another tool. If you're in that middle of that slump and you know that you've been in that situation in the past, go ahead and go back and really think about what you did to get out of it and try and repeat that.
[00:15:29] I hope that helps. If you are in a slump, if you want to know how to get out of one in the future, please DM me and let me know what's worked for you in the past to motivate you or get you out of slump. If you're currently in a slump, please DM me with your questions. I'd love to. If you'd like to go through the Design Your Decade process with me, I have a few more workshops coming up in January.
[00:15:56] Get signed up now so that you've got it on your calendar. That will help [00:16:00] with the motivation because I know it's easy once you're in January to just get caught up in the rest of the year, but it's really good to do this work to go into 2023 with intention. I'll have the link to the workshops in the show notes.
[00:16:19] That's it for now. Have a great rest of your day and I will see you in here next week. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Live Podcast with writer and coach, Crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast too. To find more helpful insights, show notes, and more about Crystal, go to Crystal Obregon.com
[00:16:40] O B R E G O N, where you'll also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next time, be extraordinary.
