Episode 16 Final
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals. Using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writer, speaker and coach Crystal Obregon. Hi there. This is crystal from Crystal Obregon Coaching with episode number 16 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. In today's episode, I'm going to be talking about the fifth of the high-performance habits, Developing Influence.
[00:00:47] If you haven't listened to the previous four episodes where I talk about the first four habits, go ahead and give them a listen. After you finish this one. You don't have to listen [00:01:00] in order if you don't want to, if you have listened, you'll remember that the first three habits are considered personal habits.
[00:01:08] So those are seeking clarity, generating energy and raising necessity. And the last three are considered social habits. Last week, I talked about increasing productivity and next week I will talk about demonstrating current. Developing influence is a more obvious social habit. The world's most successful people are remarkably influential and so are the most successful intimate partners, friends, parents, family, and community members.
[00:01:48] Like I keep saying you do not have to be the CEO of a fortune 500 company to use these habits to create an extraordinary life. [00:02:00] So first I'd like to talk about what influence is and what it is not, and why we want to be influential in the first place. I realize the word influencer is thrown around in the media quite a bit.
[00:02:18] These days it can feel overdone in his book. High-performance habits, Brendon Burchard broadly defines having influence as the ability to shape other people's beliefs and behaviors. As you decided. It means you can get people to believe in you or your ideas buy from you, follow you, or take actions that you request of them.
[00:02:47] When I'm talking about being influential, I'm not talking about being manipulative or influencing people to do things that aren't in their best interest. I do [00:03:00] understand that there are people that use influence to manipulate. Sadly there probably always will be, but this isn't that most of us do have good intentions.
[00:03:12] And I'm going to guess that if you are listening to this podcast, you have good intentions. To help you understand why influence is important and important to you. I'm going to give you some examples from my own life of how I might use influence. And I'm going to start with those closest to me and work outward.
[00:03:38] I guess this is why it is called a sphere of influence. And hopefully you'll see some of this in your own life as well. Then I'm going to share three simple but powerful actions you can take in your everyday life to increase your influence with your family, friends, colleagues, [00:04:00] and community. There will be a common thread in my examples, since I am who I am, and I am passionate about personal growth and helping people achieve their goals and dreams.
[00:04:14] So with my first example, I will start with my husband. He's the closest person to me, and he will be doing the editing and mixing of this audio for the podcast. So I'm picking an example carefully. Hi honey. My darling has been, is very generous and giving, and I have noticed that he often doesn't pursue his own interests and passions because he worries that in doing so he will be taking resources and, or a time from the rest of us.
[00:04:55] So I am often trying to influence him to share his [00:05:00] dreams with us and to follow them. Many of them have to do with making music. Because in doing so, not only is he putting his music out into the world to make it a better place, but he's also being a positive role model for our kids. And he's also when people are following their goals and dreams and filling that support, they're happier.
[00:05:27] They're more fun to be with. So that was a lofty example and truth be told. I also am only human. I also try to influence him to do the dishes right after dinner and do other things around the house. And he does. So this next example is in influencing my kids. Parents are the biggest influence of their kids up to a certain age.
[00:05:59] And [00:06:00] then you'll see, it does continue. Even if it's not as obvious, I of course try to influence them to follow their dreams by being a role model and giving them support. But like most parents, I also try to influence them to do things like be clean and tidy to eat well, to do their homework. And to generally be considered people, influencing their beliefs and behaviors in these ways benefits me for sure, but it also will benefit them and it will also help set them up for success in their endeavors when they're out in the world.
[00:06:43] So as I move further outward in my sphere of influence to my community, my clients, and even you as my blog and podcast listeners, I get deeper into my purpose [00:07:00] and I want to influence you to take the principles I share and create your extraordinary life. I want to influence you to seek clarity, to take care of yourself so that you know what your extraordinary life will look like, so that you have the energy to pursue your goals and dreams.
[00:07:23] I want you to raise your necessity. So your prioritize yourself in your dreams. And also like I talked about last week, influence you to increase your productivity. By knowing the actions you need to take each week to achieve your goals and dreams and make space for them in your schedule each week. Like I said, if you haven't listened to those previous four episodes, please do.
[00:07:52] When you finished with this. Now I'm going to share those three simple but powerful [00:08:00] actions you can take to develop influence in your own life. And I think they will surprise you. The first is simply to ask for what you want. How does this seem too simple? It is simple, but as Brendon Burchard also says common sense.
[00:08:21] Isn't always common practice. Now remember back in episode number eight, I talked about how to create better relationships. And I mentioned the habit as being passive aggressive with my husband, instead of simply asking for what I wanted. Eventually I worked on that and I realized that he really is a good person.
[00:08:49] Of course, he wants to help me, but it's unreasonable for me to expect him to read my mind. I needed to ask him for help and [00:09:00] I needed to ask more than once. So there are several reasons why this is an important part of being influential. The first is that when we have a goal, whether it's making sure the dishes get done every night, Or getting buy-in for project at work or in your business, you're more likely to be successful in accomplishing your goal if you ask for and get help.
[00:09:30] Yes, I could simply do the dishes every night after I finished making dinner. Or another example is you could do all the tasks that need to be done at work or in business on your own, but it does take more energy. Yes. You could simply do the dishes every night. Or do all the tasks that need to be done at work or in your business on your own, [00:10:00] but it does take more energy to do it that way.
[00:10:03] And you might not accomplish as much as you would. If you ask for help, if you're going to have to do the dishes every night after you make dinner for your family, you might not make the delicious, nutritious meals that take a little bit more time. And in that same way, if you know that you will have to complete a project completely on your own at work or in your business, you might take longer to complete it or simplify it so that you can complete it on your own timeline.
[00:10:38] I gave that example of doing what I needed to do in order to make this podcast happen, because I have my virtual assistant that helps me get the podcast episodes up and doing the show notes. And because I have my husband that does the editing and the audio for the podcast. And because I had [00:11:00] somebody record the intro and outro of the podcast for me and.
[00:11:04] Somebody that did the graphic for the podcast, because I asked for help and got help on those things. It made it happen much more quickly than if I was doing all of it on my own. The other thing is that by asking for help your family, your coworkers or employees might help you create something even better.
[00:11:29] Let me give you an example. My friend Christie Rogers created a group. That's called the business friends team and she's been hosting networking events for many years. I want to say 20. She had to pivot her business because of COVID she's done an amazing job. And I can say for myself that because of how she pivoted her group, I felt even more connected to people in the past year and a [00:12:00] half than I did before, which is really saying something.
[00:12:03] What does the things that I've admired about her is how she asks for help from current members of her group in making it better. So she doesn't create it in a vacuum. So she's been working on building a website, working on marketing to new members. And so she hasn't been shy in some of our meetings about asking which logo we liked the best or how a piece of marketing copy sounds.
[00:12:33] And when she asks, we're all happy to help. We like being asked. And most importantly, we feel more invested in what she's creating and in her success, because she's asked, we feel part of the. At the same time, she has a mission to help people form better business in networking relationships. She's being [00:13:00] more influential because we're invested in her success, which also benefits us.
[00:13:06] I hope you can see how that works. Most people want to help you, and if they can't help, for whatever reason, when you ask them this time, they'll just say no. They'll go about their business and you can continue respectfully asking them other times. And at some point they probably will help. So what I'm trying to say is that there's no harm in asking, they'll say no, if they can't do it,
[00:13:39] the second simple, but powerful action is to give to others without expectation of return. People are more likely to help you if you've helped them. And I know that sounds contradictory. I just said, don't expect a return, but the adage give and you [00:14:00] shall receive really is true. Think about it this way.
[00:14:04] And I think you'll get the feeling of it and see one that you don't have to over-give or even spend immense amounts of time to give to others. So let's say you go into situations with a giving mindset. You look for ways you can help make your significant other or your friends or your colleagues life easier.
[00:14:29] And you think about the problems they may be facing and offer suggestions, resources, or connections. Say you even get in the habit of doing this when you're at the grocery store or at a restaurant. Now think about how that giving mindset feels for you and think about how it feels for the person or people that you're helping.
[00:14:54] Can you see how by giving, without expecting anything in return [00:15:00] will increase the chances that when you ask for something you'll get the help you want or. You don't necessarily even receive from the person you gave to, you're just creating a mindset and an energy around you, of giving, and you'll see when you give, you do receive.
[00:15:20] So this is even easier to see on a more personal level. So for example, if I see my husband struggling with something. I ask if there's anything I can do to help, or if there isn't anything I can do to help, but I make some other area of his life easier by helping him then he'll feel supported and he'll be more likely to help me when I ask.
[00:15:47] So you have to remember that it really goes both ways. Go into situations with giving money. But also remember that you have to ask when you need help [00:16:00] and you can't expect anyone to read your mind. And that goes back to the whole passive aggressive, I guess no one cares about me narrative. So be a giving person, but also remember to ask for help yourself.
[00:16:16] And that will help you create or develop more influence with people. The third simple, but powerful action to develop influence is to appreciate and be grateful for people expressing your appreciation or gratitude for other people increases your chances of being helped in the future. And I have a terrific example for this one.
[00:16:45] My daughter's friend, Sarah is a very talented horse person. Her sport is a venting. I'm not very knowledgeable about the types of competition, but she has her eye on competing in the [00:17:00] Olympics some day. And she's very driven. I've noticed a few of her characteristics and some things she's been doing lately.
[00:17:07] And one that's especially impressive. I'm going to give a little context with all of the high-performance habits. First, she's very clear about her goals and dreams. So she's got the seeking clarity one down, as far as the energy goes, she's learning to take care of herself, especially both their physical energy, her mental and emotional energy.
[00:17:34] She broke her collarbone last spring and couldn't compete for several months and she's also raised her necessity. I've seen her do this. She knows that she must be working with her horse and increasing her skill level consistently. If she's going to achieve her dream of competing at the Olympics. And then she's also [00:18:00] productive in the sense that.
[00:18:02] She knows that writing and school are her most important activities each week. I see that those go into a schedule first, even if it irritates her friends sometimes. All of these things are impressive on their own. But what I really admire about her is that I've noticed that after every competition she does, she makes a point to publicly think everyone involved in her competition.
[00:18:34] She thinks the event organizers for putting on the event. She thanks her coaches and her teammates for their support during and in the training for the events. And she thinks her parents for everything that they do in order to make her writing and her competitions possible. Every single time she does this, [00:19:00] even when she doesn't do as well as she had hoped, she shares her appreciation.
[00:19:06] Can you imagine how that will increase her influence and her chances of success as she goes along? Can you see how much more willing any of these people will be to help her when she needs it? Because she's been appreciated. And then fast forward a few years, I don't know exactly how the Olympic team selection works, but who would you rather have on your team?
[00:19:35] A teammate grateful for the people that have contributed to her success or the opposite. Someone that's in grateful and entitled. You see how these simple actions are simple and are easy, relatively. But are so powerful. So ask for help, give [00:20:00] without expectation of return and express gratitude and appreciation to people.
[00:20:09] I'd like you to give all three of these, a try and let me know. If you notice a shift in your degree of influence with the people in your life. I'll talk about some more advanced strategies of developing influence in some later podcasts, but in the meantime, get these basics down and I'm sure that you will see your influence.
[00:20:36] Next week. I will be talking about these six high-performance habit, demonstrating courage. The other five are super important, but it's demonstrating courage that really moves you out of your comfort zone and truly pushes you forward in creating your extraordinary life. If you'd like to move forward [00:21:00] towards your goals and dreams even faster, I've just opened up enrollment for my next cohort of the Extraordinary Life Tribe group coaching membership.
[00:21:12] If you'd like more information, go to Crystal Obregon Coaching.com forward slash info dash extraordinary dash life dash tribe Or click the link in the show notes, if you would like to chat to see if this program is right for you, go all the way to the bottom of that page and you will see a button to schedule a call with me.
[00:21:41] All right. That is it for now. Have an extraordinary week. Be extraordinary. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach Crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the [00:22:00] podcast, too, to find more helpful insights, show notes and more about crystal.
[00:22:03] Go to CrystalObregon.com that's O B R E G O N, where you will also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next time. Be extraordinary.