[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals. Using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writer, speaker and coach Crystal Obregon. Hi there. This is Crystal with Crystal Obregon Coaching with episode number 29 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. I've been coaching for over six years now, both health coaching and life coaching.
[00:00:47] And the biggest thing I've learned both for me and my clients is that inner confidence really is the key to. There are all kinds of [00:01:00] strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself. But they're all redundant. If this foundation is missing, the foundation is the authentic you, the you that, you know, deep down that you are.
[00:01:20] And the trick is that it takes confidence. And self-awareness to find that and to bring out who you really are. And I know that in my group coaching membership, we do spend a lot of time at the beginning becoming clear on who you are right now and who you want to be in the future and living into that.
[00:01:48] So here are two keys that I'm going to share with you today about real inner confidence. So the first is to get to know your values. [00:02:00] Personal values are a big passion of mine. And I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them, but I really think that they are one of the most important things you can know about yourself.
[00:02:14] Just like I think kids thrive when they're given strong boundaries. They feel safer because they're bumping up to something solid your values that are the 10,000 feet down inside of you, right at your core that are the building blocks, the foundation, the cornerstones for you, uh, value something in yourself and others where in the world that is the most important to you and can include things like bullies, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement, or free.
[00:02:49] Values are something that you can grab onto when you're faced with uncertainty. Have you ever noticed that some [00:03:00] people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, motivated, or deflated it's because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed, or repressed? We experienced that as a negative experience because it's denying a fundamental piece of who you are on the flip side, you know, those times when you feel really alive and amazing buzzing, those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored and you can get more of that by living, according to your values.
[00:03:42] Your values are all yours because no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away from you. You can have absolute confidence in them because they're there all the time waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to [00:04:00] know your values, you can start to make choices and the line in your life, around them.
[00:04:05] It's simple. And it feels amazing because. All that really means is that you're allowing who you are to live into the real world. And this is closely aligned with the topic of integrity. It's one of the topics that we cover in the declaration sessions of my coaching program and integrity is about having intention and commitment.
[00:04:34] For who you wish to be, how you want to treat others and what you wish to give it's about really living your truth and being your most truthful and consistent self. When you work hard to live with integrity, you know, your values and you filter your decisions and actions through that lens so that you don't compromise or become [00:05:00] someone you don't want to.
[00:05:03] Remember that example I used of children thriving. When they come up against boundaries, setting value-driven boundaries for yourself as an adult will also help you thrive. And I'm not saying that it's always easy. But when you speak up about your values and say no to either yourself or others, when something is out of alignment with your values, you build self confidence and trust in yourself.
[00:05:33] Yes. Some people in your life may not like it. And some may even drop out of your world. But what it does is it makes room for people that do respect your values and boundaries. And then as you look around at your peer group and see your values reflected back at you, your confidence grows in leaps and bounds.
[00:05:59] So the [00:06:00] second key to inner confidence is to exercise the muscle. So confidence is a muscle and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn't shrink or waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or your glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find.
[00:06:26] So how do you develop your biceps or from up your. By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you're looking for. It's just the same with confidence. Let's say you're the kind of person who doesn't take too many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself.
[00:06:54] You might talk yourself out of. Doing more or doing something that's [00:07:00] scary because you think to yourself, you're not good enough, or that's not who I am, or I don't really want to do it anyway. And what happens is that that kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable.
[00:07:17] But the fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be. And so the less confident they become. So the idea to record this podcast on confidence came to me a week or so ago when I was on one of the practice rides for my son's mountain bike team. I mentioned before that I decided to complete the training program to volunteer as a coach.
[00:07:46] And part of my reasoning was to help out. I knew the head coach needed. Part was to encourage more girls, to participate in mountain biking by being a role model. [00:08:00] And the other part was more for me, which was the motivation to ride my bike on a consistent basis because I'm doing it for somebody else. So we were riding on a Saturday on trails that are mostly new to me.
[00:08:18] Because our home trails were to Medi from all the rain we'd been getting. And as I was riding along, I suddenly realize or notice that I was a lot more confident and comfortable on my bike. And I had been in a long while and I thought to myself, oh, it's because I've been getting out with the team three times per week, over the past several weeks.
[00:08:47] And I was becoming more confident in my skills. It wasn't necessarily about fitness because I know we were talking about muscles, although that's gradually getting better too. It was really more [00:09:00] about the confidence that I would be able to handle whatever train I came upon. As I was writing, I felt far less tension.
[00:09:09] I know this is the case for other things in my life, too. For example, the more I plan and record these podcasts, the more confident I become in delivering them, the more I do live video on social media, the more confident I became, the more I speak to groups, the more confident I became, I don't start doing these things because I'm confident.
[00:09:37] I become more confident because I start and then I continue practicing by doing these things, to work your confidence muscle, you need to be prepared to take risks, bigger, small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction to try something new or [00:10:00] try something in a slightly different.
[00:10:03] You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do or who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility. The more confident you need to be. And so the more confidence you'll develop, that's your confidence muscle. It really depends on where you are right now.
[00:10:29] And then gradually start building that confidence muscle and it grows and grows and grows. What would you start doing now? So that 10 years from now, you would feel like you had the best decade of your life. That may be a little big. Maybe you need to think smaller maybe just into the next year. You know how I like the 10 year idea, because it really gives you plenty of.
[00:10:58] But the thing is you do [00:11:00] need to start taking actions. Now shoot me an email me at [email protected] or DM me, on one of the social media channels, because I'd love to hear your thoughts after listening to the podcast. What do you need to start doing to push yourself a little bit? If you'd like to dive deeper into this topic?
[00:11:23] My Extraordinary Life Tribe group coaching program is a great container for focusing on your goals and dreams in a community that will support you in getting there. The link for the information to join the new cohort for 2022 is in the show notes. So have a terrific rest of your day, and I'll see you in here next week.
[00:11:48] Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach Crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast, too. To find more helpful [00:12:00] insights, show notes and more about crystal. Go to Crystal Obregon.com that's O B R E G O N.
[00:12:07] Where you will also find info for The Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating until next time. Be extraordinary.