Podcast Episode #48
[00:00:00] Nafissa: Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals, using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new Heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writer, speaker and coach Crystal Obregon
[00:00:28] Crystal: Hey there. This is Crystal from Crystal Obregon Coaching with Episode Number 48 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. This week, I'm sharing the second part of my interview with coach, mentor, and healer in a Nafissa Shireen.
[00:00:47] This episode can be listened to on its own, but I don't think you'll want to miss the wisdom in part when, so please do, if you can go back and listen to episode number [00:01:00] 47 first, if you haven't already. In this week's episode, Nafissa and I discussed her definition of prosperity and also the idea of wealth, longevity, aging, legacy, and self-leadership, I think you'll enjoy it just as much as I did.
[00:01:21] So let's jump in.
[00:01:27] I would like to move on to a slightly different topic. I'm hoping I got this right, your Facebook is called The Prosperous Woman. So why prosperous, what does prosperity mean to you?
[00:01:40] Nafissa: This was the birth or child of my incubation. Right. And I'm not calling anything out. I'm just speaking about my perspective of how I've changed.
[00:01:56] So all of that stuff about the go go go. There was. [00:02:00] All of that was about pursuing like, you know, boss babe, or whatever it goes with that climbing, climbing, climbing, and all about, you know, the, the wealthy woman or going after money and don't get me wrong. I love money. You know, that I can't have four horses if I don't have the money to sustain this.
[00:02:26] So that, that wasn't. But what I realized, and I'm sorry if this sounds cheesy or corny, Mike and I, my husband were talking one night and it hit me that that's what it is because looking at some of the newer, younger entrepreneurs I've been on camera long time now, while we're all watching ourselves age and we're looking at them and you know, and, and they're not tied down with a big farm or kids, and they're still taking the, the jets are having the five-star experiences.
[00:02:56] There was a time. I loved a lot of that. And [00:03:00] so the realization that I had will talk to my husband was we're no longer quote, upwardly mobile. And that whole upwardly mobile thing is about getting to a different social status in your life. Getting, elevating yourself, all of that. I'm going to be 52. I don't really care about my social status.
[00:03:19] There's just a certain level of confidence that comes with that. And so it's not so much that all of the glam and all that, isn't something I like. I mean, mine just happens to be fancy cowboy boots or whatever that might be, or a fancy tack. I still like that. I still believe in building the wealth, but I feel like, but not at all costs.
[00:03:41] It's kind of there versus something that one of my mentors taught me where they said that broke is a temporary financial situation and poor is a crippling state of mind. And I realized that abundance and wealth and money are your situation. Prosperity is your state of mind. [00:04:00] How do you live? How am I living?
[00:04:02] Am I making an impact? Am I being prosperous? Am I being generous? One of the things I've really been. Trying really hard. And I'm not by any means near where I want to be on this is following the concept of leaving people with the impression of increase. Are they better for having interacted with me? So, you know, if somebody leaves me a snarky comment on a tik-tok video, I'm not going to snark back at them.
[00:04:29] If I have an experience with somebody at a store or something that doesn't go well, I will try to leave them better. So I've been trying to work on that and I feel that prosperity is, is it's all encompassing and it includes wealth, but it's not just about wealth. It's about how we show up. And it's about purpose and legacy and the things that mean something to us.
[00:04:50] And so I said, it's not that it's, it's, I'm no longer upwardly mobile. I'm deeply rooted. And I still want to grow and have expansion, [00:05:00] but I don't want to elevate to a different status in life, because I've pretty confident with who I am. So, but I'm always still for growth and expansion constantly, but deeply rooted.
[00:05:13] And yeah, that's just what I feel prosperity is, and the money can ebb and flow.. And it will always be enough if I'm prosperous in my attitude and I'm prosperous in my work and I'm doing the work that I love, not just the work that I think is going to make money. So, you know, my company had been Living Forward before that and Living Forward really felt to me like the upwardly mobile thing and it just wasn't sitting.
[00:05:37] So that kind of, kind of birthed from that. And I think a lot of us in gen X kind of are feeling that pull to the deeper roots.
[00:05:48] Crystal: I love what you said about deeply rooted because I'm 52, I'll be 53 this year. I'm in California. I look at real estate and other places thinking in much more we could [00:06:00] get somewhere else.
[00:06:01] But the reality is I've been here for almost 32 years in Santa Cruz, California. I am deeply rooted. And that doesn't mean that there's not more expansion that's happening.
[00:06:16] Nafissa: It's that solid feeling. And I, okay. I hate to use this word, but I have aged out of the laptop lifestyle. Don't get me wrong. I love to travel and I love to go to nice places.
[00:06:28] And when I do that, you could be guaranteed. I will not have a laptop with me. We're going to be in the experience. So the laptop stays here. And also I I've talked about before, too. Part of what comes into there is, is longevity. And I've talked and you've heard me talk about that. I know you showed up in a couple of my Facebook lives when I talk about that, because one of the things that really hit me in this with pop culture is when, when Betty White passed and they started showing all The Golden Girls [00:07:00] reruns, and I was watching that going, they were representing our age.
[00:07:07] Right. And they were representing them as old ladies. I'm an older woman, but I'm not an old lady, but that was the consciousness of it. And then with the Sex and the City Reboot, they're playing women that are older than The Golden Girls were. Right. And I, and I realized that, you know, our generation is aging differently.
[00:07:27] We're looking at it differently. We're not accepting that as a defect, defeat. We still have so much to do. It is not over just because you're over 45. You are, you can have like your second and third act. And I know you focus on the second act, our priorities change for sure. It's the deeply rooted it's, what's important.
[00:07:48] It's I'm not going to not eat spaghetti ever again in my life, just so that I can have a flat stomach. It's not that important to me, but I want to be healthy. And I want my insides my insides are more important than [00:08:00] my outsides in terms of health. Right? So I joke about, it's not really a joke, but I've been working out with a trainer for September, literally the first six months was him getting me in enough shape to get in shape.
[00:08:13] Right. I'm thinking about things like my joints, my, my organs, and all of that. And that's part of what I felt The Prosperous Woman was about to because we need to take care of our bodies. We need to take care of our mind. We need to take care of our money because we can, we still do have a lot of value and we can still spread our work and we can be doing it in our eighties and you're still senior, but you can still be really powerful and life doesn't end.
[00:08:44] There is no cut off time that you're too old. So it kind of came from that too, so that the whole longevity piece of mind, body, money, and legacy. High-end did that. The Golden Girls thing just shook me to my core. [00:09:00] I'm older than Blanche. Oh, I remember before this happened, I guess this just happens when you get to be about 50, you start thinking about things.
[00:09:09] Right? I realized that Jean Stapleton, when she was playing Edith Bunker and All in the Family, her and her character were in their late forties. And I know it was just a TV show, but that was the characterization of what a 40 something year old woman should be like, so it's, I want to change that.
[00:09:33] Crystal: My mom had me when she was 22.
[00:09:36] Somebody got her a t-shirt about being over the hill. So she must have been 30. My father-in-law was here thankfully at Christmas and he turned 80. He was listening to a little bit of this program with David Nagel and he picked up the quantum leap book and he was, oh my God, this is the best book [00:10:00] ever. I think he took it with him.
[00:10:02] Nafissa: The You Squared one.
[00:10:03] Crystal: Yeah, the You Squared.
[00:10:05] Nafissa: It's a great book.
[00:10:06] Crystal: And he was the president of a university. He's still on the board. He always says he's going to retire.
[00:10:15] He left with this idea of a course that he wanted to do for the university students. And he was excited and energetic. And living into your purpose gives you more energy for everything else.
[00:10:30] Nafissa: Yeah, exactly. And it doesn't end because you're 55 or 65 or even 75. Yeah, I know I'm relating to celebrities in this. That's just because faces people can recognize, but you look at Martha Stewart, she looks really good for an 80 year old woman is she's still doing her purpose work and living on her farm and came across in my feed one day.
[00:10:50] And so I started following her because when I was in the eighties, I was, my mom was a total fan of all the, the night time soaps. So I started to watch them and [00:11:00] I loved Donna Mills, Abby Fairgate or Abby Ewing. Have you seen pictures of her recently? Oh my goodness. I mean, she's, she, she has aged beautifully and when I say beautifully, she's, hasn't done work to herself.
[00:11:14] She hasn't done any work other than dying her hair, even in her Instagram's without filters on, she looks easily like in her late sixties, mid seventies. And it's not about how old she looks to me. It's how. Healthy and vital and vitality, like all of that, that comes through. And to me, that is a model to look to because she has really, as her authentic self has taken care of herself and she has the legacy, she has the longevity.
[00:11:46] And, and I see that thinking that is so, so inspiring too. Hitting 50. I started wondering like, when did I turn 50? How did this happen? Or, you know, I see my sister's kids all grown up kind of thinking what they were just slow isn't nearly as [00:12:00] big. And then you realize that no, it's, it's okay to just be getting started in your forties or fifties.
[00:12:06] A lot of people do, you know, a lot of people have the change of careers in that time, too. Right. And I mean, you help people with that, like second act. And because you really know who you are. You think about it? It's ridiculous that we make lifelong commitments to a career at.
[00:12:22] Crystal: Yeah, I see my daughter agonizing over changing her major or what she's doing.
[00:12:29] And I said, don't agonize to something and, and move forward. And then maybe change your mind a couple of times, this isn't the rest of your life.
[00:12:38] Nafissa: And once she hits her forties, that's probably the time we'll be like, okay, how do I want to adapt this? So nobody can ever take away all that experience. And it's so relevant to whatever you choose to do later.
[00:12:50] It's what makes you uniquely you?
[00:12:52] Crystal: So how about legacy? Tell me a little bit about that as part of the prosperity.
[00:12:58] Nafissa: I think it's really important [00:13:00] to ask ourselves what we want to be known for what we want to be known for. Sometimes we can let all the stories in our head, not let us go there. Like I could have, because I wasn't a good enough horse person.
[00:13:15] I couldn't have bought a farm and I didn't trust myself in all this. So I didn't allow myself to even dream of what I wanted to do so it can take work and self-discovery, and the more we start to do that, when we start to do things that light us up, we will know what we want to be known for. And I think about myself, obviously, I want to be known for my work with horses.
[00:13:35] You know, my, my, my tagline is, you know, I, I love to help horses and humans live their best life. But I'm not a professional horse trainer by any means, but I do love training horses. And when I think about what I would like to be known for most, yes, the work with, with, with humans is, is [00:14:00] important and huge.
[00:14:02] And. I, I can have an impact on a very limited number of people, even if you know, you, even if you serve thousands of people, it's still a limited number of people that we can touch and have impact on. But with the horses, I want to have a legacy on that aspect. As somebody who was, was one of the pioneers in gentler horsemanship, kinder horsemanship, normalizing.
[00:14:27] That if a horse can't ride or doesn't want to ride that they still have intrinsic value and are a great family member showing all the things they can do besides just being a tool for somebody else to ride to me, that's what gets me up and going. It's, it's the side effect of my work and part of the purpose of my work.
[00:14:48] So on the days where it's, it's hard because sometimes humans can be hard. Even the best of clients can sometimes be hard, especially in the field we're in, because clients can dump on us. You know, [00:15:00] the horses never do, and I will get up every day. And even if I have the hardest thing I have to do in work that day, like whether it's making a sales offer to somebody, I feel intimidated by or.
[00:15:15] Work in a bit extra longer dealing with stupid tech behind the scenes that I don't think any of us, like. If I didn't have that legacy piece, I couldn't do it. And so that's what gets me out of bed in the morning. And I think legacy is just really, it's important to ask ourselves what I want to be known for and how do I want to show up and what I known for it, because it's one thing to say.
[00:15:41] I just want to be known for, for the horses. A whole other thing to want to be known for my approach to horsemanship. It's a whole other thing to be willing to take a stand. I took a stand about horse racing recently, and somebody got triggered [00:16:00] by it, but I wasn't attacking them. I was just stating how I felt about that situation because people had asked.
[00:16:06] So it means you have to be willing to. You have to be willing to be firm in your positions and not be combative about it because I'll see people sometimes do that on different topics where they just want to be right. And you don't need to be combative. You don't need to start a fight. However, you can be very clear on your position because that is part of your legacy and you can be clear and you can still be kind with it.
[00:16:30] And I think those are important things and that is going to on some degree, polarize. However, the other thing I've learned these last two years is, There is a really big difference between having an opinion and a belief and a philosophy on life that polarizes versus being divisive . There's two different things.
[00:16:54] One is about speaking strongly for what you want to [00:17:00] build from a place of hope, from a place of love, from a place of building. The other is about knocking down and criticizing whatever and creating anger to have people line up with you in their anger and have it, you know, cause if I've really seen that and I, I found the last two years because obviously newsfeeds get very polarized, um, people that had a combative view, even if I a hundred percent agreed.
[00:17:34] With their opinion. I didn't want the combativeness in my world. I would mute that. And people who maybe had completely different opinions that I would think that's just fricking ridiculous. If they weren't combative about it. I wanted to hear it because I think we learn more by having other experiences.
[00:17:52] So I curated my feet not to be an echo chamber of everything I wanted to hear because I thought, I don't think is [00:18:00] valuable. It's valuable to hear things we don't want to hear too, but I did eliminate the fighting. I didn't want to see fighting. And so I, I learned too that, that the difference between being polarizing is really just taking a positive stand for what you believe in and not backing down versus trying to start a fight.
[00:18:22] And I think that's part of legacy too. It's not all of it. We can't always be taking stands. But we have to be prepared for. And so, you know, my views on horsemanship are controversial, but I will not call out other people's ways. I will just talk about my way if I'm asked about something at a 30,000 foot level I'll comment, but I will never criticize somebody individually.
[00:18:49] So that's yeah. I think legacy is what do you want to be known for and how do you want to be known for it? Really important because [00:19:00] it drives you in a really productive, positive, prosperous way.
[00:19:06] Crystal: Having that drive. It does keep you going when it feels hard. I realized, I'm going to be gone for nearly four weeks and I don't want to be doing the laptop lifestyle while I'm gone.
[00:19:20] I do want to do the coaching. I was burnt out and didn't want to do it anymore. Coming back to that place of, of what I really love doing. I do love doing this. I do want it to be a part of my legacy and, and living it.
[00:19:42] Nafissa: It's so much deeper than money. Right. That's that's the thing. Money is part of it. And I feel like.
[00:19:52] That we are still the same person and we still have the same purpose and we still have the same attitude, spirit, and [00:20:00] energy when the money's there or when it's not. I mean, obviously if it's not, we have to do different practical things to make sure it comes in because that's how we feed and clothe ourselves.
[00:20:10] But it doesn't fundamentally change how we show up. And I think that to me is the prosperity. That is the legacy. One of the topics I do want to touch on one day is how, how to, how to avoid a mindset of scarcity when things are scarce, because those are two different things. And if we can do that, we're being prosperous. Being able to build ourselves up so that external conditions are not affecting who we are internally to me as the ultimate in prosperity.
[00:20:45] I'm not there yet a hundred percent. Like I'm not, but it's something I'm very conscious of now. And I really try to work on it. And I'll tell you, there are days where I just bite my tongue and bite my thing and I don't [00:21:00] respond the way I wanted to, but I hold it back and then I have to go do some work on myself.
[00:21:06] Cause it's like, okay, I didn't lash out or I didn't get upset or I didn't, I didn't do something. I wouldn't be proud of. But still the fact that I had uncomfortable feelings come up and how do I process that? And how do I deal with that? And it doesn't mean being a doormat or, or accepting things that violate your boundaries, or I'm not talking about anything like that.
[00:21:27] I'm just, I'm talking about how do I keep my internal energy the same, even if I have to disappoint someone, even if I have to tell somebody that's a boundary that I don't want crossed, even if I don't get what I want it like having that internal, how do I do that? Haven't mastered it, but it's something I'm very conscious of lately.
[00:21:49] Cause I think that's the freer mindset, right? To be just to be so much happier.
[00:21:56] Crystal: But that's also huge personal growth. I mean, if you're like [00:22:00] me saying it used to be very easy, I wasn't afraid to say what I thought. Then you are in reaction mode. So at least taking that step back and not reacting.
[00:22:11] Nafissa: It doesn't mean you're not gonna be disappointed.
[00:22:13] It doesn't mean you're not going to have things happen. I mean, I, one of the things I'm struggling with right now is we, we were chatting before this, about getting my field done. And it's not something that I have any control over because of weather. And then you add in a contractor. You're relying on a contractor and weather. It's just, it is what it is.
[00:22:39] And what that's done for me is I'm not booking, even private retreats because if somebody were to fly here and the contractor showed up, I've got a problem, because if you tell the contractor, not today, may never see them again, [00:23:00] and you need them to get the work done. If a client flies in and you say, oh, sorry, we have to reschedule.
[00:23:07] You're done. Right. So, um, I've had to look at the situation and know it's only temporary be positive about. Look at what it's going to be in the long run and not get agitated. Cause there were a couple of times that I think we could have done it, but he said it was like a little too wet still and just kind of go, okay, you know, I hired you as the expert, I'll trust you and, and letting it go and not getting angry, not being upset.
[00:23:35] Part of it is, is being able to hold our leadership of ourself through some of life's most disappointing moments. And that's part of what I sort of viewed the prosperity as cause we have to face the fact that we're going to be disappointed in life. Things aren't going to go well. So how do we lead ourselves through it?
[00:23:53] And can we be the same person as when things are going really well? We can be a [00:24:00] disappointed version of it, but is it still the same person as when things are going well? And if we focus on. Trying to, and I say try because we're humans and we're imperfect, but trying to make the right thing and a calm mindset and the truth and the honesty are priority.
[00:24:22] Versus an image. It's very freeing because maintaining an image is exhausting.
[00:24:29] Crystal: When I met you and I was following you, you did have more of the high heel business woman, I thought. Awesome. But it was when you revealed more of the cowboy boot, Nafissa that I took notice.
[00:24:47] Nafissa: Because that's really who I am. I thought I had to wear heels.
[00:24:52] Well, you know, the funny thing about that is life has a way of showing you who you are and you have to accept it or [00:25:00] not. And for me, I had that one fall and then I had another fall shortly before the horses moved in that same year. My body cannot wear those heels anymore, even if I wanted to, even if I wanted to wear them who you are, leaves clues, and that's always been me..
[00:25:19] Is is the cowboy boots. I will tell you, I feel a heck of a lot sexier walking in a pair of cowboy boots and strutting than I do wobbling like a newborn full in a pair of heels that look good when I'm sitting. So it's not how it's not me.
[00:25:39] Crystal: Could you just say a little bit about the leadership part of what you're doing right now?
[00:25:46] I feel like that's something new that you're bringing in.
[00:25:49] Nafissa: Yeah. It's, it's really more about, again, like the self-leadership and also whatever business that we have. And I'm not thinking I'm not talking like leadership in a corporation where you've [00:26:00] got the leaders or anything like that. It's it's about how we show up as leaders in our business and leadership, and this is something I've always been passionate about.
[00:26:09] And I haven't really brought it into my business before, but sometimes I think there can be a warped view of leadership in the terms of like, I'm there and I'm in charge and that's not really it. Right. It gets back again to how we show up. What is our energy signature? Are we leading ourselves and. It can be.
[00:26:34] I've always tried to do the work as a coach and I've always invested in mentorship and I've always invested in working through my stuff. And again, the last couple of years has hit me deeper that there are a lot of things that it can be easy to learn and get a certification in and not embody it. I've tried to embody it, but you know, [00:27:00] sometimes I'll just take exercises I've learned in, in, in a coaching program or certification and use them because I've used it successfully with clients or with buddy coaching in the certification.
[00:27:11] And I, you know, and it's a legit thing, but it's really hit me again these last two years. If I haven't done it myself. No. Right. And so that's, that is. How do I lead myself through this and, and okay. Granted sometimes there might not be an occasion in my life to do a certain exercise. So, I mean, I have to, you have to have some kind of like, um, leeway because there could be something that's really applicable to a client.
[00:27:41] And I just literally don't have something show up in my life, but you know, a lot of things do. So it's about that piece of leadership and working with the horses is really a great, great way. To explore that. And that is something I'm bringing into [00:28:00] the sessions now. I feel a lot more confident to have people work at a, at a more intense rate with the horses, especially Escudo, because he's trained to do that.
[00:28:12] And they'll show you in a second, when you, when you shrink back or you're not authentic. And, and, and when you're in a high movement situation, It can be a lot easier to have all of that fall apart then in a reflective session. And I think it's a great aspect to bring the leadership, he's in. I had a video that I posted up on my Facebook page.
[00:28:39] The other day of me leading one of my horses at a very high speed around pylons and running with him. You know, that's not something people have to do if they don't want to be that active with a horse, you can, you can walk them from a to B and still have the same impact, but it's really just about, in the moment when you're stressed out, are you still showing up?[00:29:00]
[00:29:00] Are you showing up the same? Are you showing up how you want to show up because we can consciously choose how we want to show up. But it's when those moments hit us, where we catch energy and action. And we don't always show up the way we want to show up, unless we consciously have made an effort to, to realize it.
[00:29:18] So I'm bringing a lot more of that in because. That's what gets us through. I think some of those curve balls we talked about and taking breaks, working on how we can show up and respond versus react. And it's it's about being that leader in our industry. And if, and if we're working in a personal development space, You know, are we taking ourselves through the things that we're helping our clients again, with within reason, if something does not apply in any way, shape or form in your life and you know how to do it, that's you, you're a professional and you're trained.
[00:29:56] But if that thing did come up, are you willing to do it? [00:30:00] And that's something I've, I've had a lot of, let's just call it opportunity in the past two years, especially taking a year off. And especially facing some of those curve balls to have to work through it. And I am still a work in progress. Take one.
[00:30:20] Crystal: So is there anything else that you'd like to share? Anything that you thought I would ask that I didn't?
[00:30:27] Nafissa: No. I feel like I've, we've had a great conversation. Let's just anything you want to know. I don't want to take up so much time, but I, you know, once I get talking, I can just go on, especially if it's horses, so, but thank you.
[00:30:41] No, it was, it was good. And I enjoyed it and a little bit of a trip down memory lane a little bit. And what's really cool though. What I really appreciate it is that, you know, we are able to talk about things. And you're asking me about things and whether we were working together or before that, it's just cool because you were in my world and you know exactly what happened.
[00:30:59] So I [00:31:00] think that's, that's just a really cool thing to experience. And I appreciate that. Cause you know, you've had a front row seat to a lot of this.
[00:31:07] Crystal: I know your website is under construction right now. It is a place where people can find your social.
[00:31:15] Nafissa: I've got a couple, I obviously have the Nafissa Shireen handle or, I mean, and even on Facebook, it's The Prosperous Woman, but if you put in Nafissa Shireen.
[00:31:23] You'll find me there, but I love it when people follow me on my farm page, which is Believe and See Ranch. And, uh, I am very active on Tik TOK, but that is. Not a professional place. It is a fun place. It's all the horses. So yeah, you can find me there.
[00:31:40] Crystal: Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with my listeners.
[00:31:46] I really knew that there was so much there.
[00:31:48] Nafissa: It was fun to chat. I appreciate it.
[00:31:50] Crystal: Have a great rest of your day and everyone listening. I will see you in here next week.
[00:31:57] Bye for now. [00:32:00] Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach Crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast, too.
[00:32:07] To find more helpful insights, show notes and more about Crystal. Go to Crystal Obregon dot com that's O B R E G O N, where you will also find info for the Design Your Decade Workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating until next time. Be extraordinary.