Podcast Episode #64
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Extraordinary Life Podcast from the creator of the Extraordinary Life Tribe, Crystal Obregon, the Self-Development Podcast, propelling you forward toward your goals, using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new heights in your relationships. Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary life. Welcome your host writer, speaker and coach, Crystal Obregon.
[00:00:29] Hi there. This is Crystal of Crystal Obregon Coaching with Episode Number 64 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast. I'm not sure where you live, but here in Santa Cruz, fall seems to be coming quickly.
[00:00:45] Although normally this can be a very warm time of year this year, we've had many, many foggy drippy mornings, so it's much cooler and it seems like the days are even shorter because of the dark mornings. [00:01:00] Our local redwoods are very happy. It's also a time of transition whether you're a student settling back into school, a parent experiencing back to school from a different perspective, or you're just trying to get your foothold after two and a half years of instability because of the pandemic.
[00:01:22] I've been hearing a lot of "what now," questions in my network, my family and friends groups. So I thought I'd share some ways to break the question into components that creates more clarity. I'm also hosting workshops this fall to help you. I'm starting out with my Quickstart Strategies to Create an Extraordinary Life.
[00:01:49] It's a two hour workshop. It's free and a great introduction to my individual and group coaching. And then in December, I'll be hosting some [00:02:00] live versions of my Design Your Decade workshop. This is a great one to do yearly. Being in a group creates a lot of extra value as you're exposed to different ideas.
[00:02:14] And you may also notice that some of the issues or things that might be coming up for you are similar to those of others. I'm making it a little longer this year so that we can really go deep and have plenty of time. So look out in the next couple of weeks for registration to open for that. In the meantime, I'd like to help you create a bit of a roadmap.
[00:02:43] Too often when faced with major or even minor life decisions you might either tend to take the first halfway decent choice that comes along, or you might allow circumstances to choose for you by [00:03:00] default. In other words, you might put the decision off until you're swept past the turning point. As you can imagine, this isn't the best way to get what you want out of life, but the options you're faced with can be wildly divergent or deceptively similar.
[00:03:20] That makes it really difficult to know which path to take. So a roadmap can help you know which ones to follow and which ones to pass by. I'm going to share five questions you can ask yourself before starting out on any new path. As I ask these and go through this, if you wanna just listen along and then go back, either look at the blog post so that you can see the questions written out, or go through it and really treat this podcast as a workshop.
[00:03:55] You can do either of those things. Because really writing it down and letting [00:04:00] it simmer in your mind is great, but then writing it down can really cement it and bring it to the forefront of your life. The answers to these questions can be used to guide your decisions and to direct your actions so that when a choice comes up, you can compare the various options with your stated desires.
[00:04:25] And choose the option that takes you closer to, or sometimes even the least far away from your stated goals and desires. And I say sometimes even the least far away because sometimes a choice isn't taking you closer, but out of all the choices, it could be the one that takes you the least far away and then you can later move closer again.
[00:04:55] So, first question to ask yourself is [00:05:00] "what does success means to you?" In other words, what do you actually want? Many people really haven't taken the time to do this. Take the time. Be very specific. For example, "I want to be rich," isn't a great answer because it can mean different things to different people or even different things in different parts of your life.
[00:05:25] It could mean a specific number or is it a substitute for freedoms and opportunities that you view only coming with money. So by limiting them is only being accessed through money, you might be missing out on alternative pathways, or you might throw a specific, throw a number out there like, I'd like to make a million dollars, but that's not really necessarily specific to the things that you really want in your life or the [00:06:00] opportunities that you really want in your life.
[00:06:02] Whichever way you go, be very specific. Some alternatives to, "I want to be rich," depending on your vision, might be, "I want to have enough net income to meet my current financial responsibilities without strain, plus have time and money left over for travel." Or "I want to be able to comfortably afford a jet setting lifestyle in New York City."
[00:06:29] Or "I want to be able to spend three days at home each week with my kids." Think about what actual amount of money do you need to create? Try to come up with at least three answers to the question of what success really means to you personally. With each one reflecting a different facet of what you feel makes up a truly successful life, and keep the many issue to just one statement.
[00:06:59] [00:07:00] After all, things like personal fulfillment, spiritual meaning, connection with others and other essential needs and values can't be solved, acquired, or even influenced by many. One of the biggest obstacles to success is that most of us haven't consciously explored what it means to us, aside from some vague idea of material comfort or other worldly success.
[00:07:27] Knowing what success means to you personally, what you hope or imagine these generic definitions of success would actually provide, and how you want those things to physically look in your life allows you to weigh your choices more accurately. You've answered the hardest question.
[00:07:47] So the next one is, what are your non-negotiable needs?
[00:07:52] List all the things you envision as inescapable parameters of a successful, enjoyable life. Family, [00:08:00] travel, no debt, a pleasant work environment, social status, contributions to society, spiritual involvement, public acclaim, love, excitement, comfort. Any or all of these and any others you can think of are legitimate needs that when not met, create an environment of stress,
[00:08:20] want or a disempowerment in your life. Knowing what you aren't willing to do makes the relative values of different options clearer.
[00:08:31] Which brings me to the third question. What are your non-negotiable boundaries? List all the things you absolutely don't want in your life. If the idea of working in a standard hierarchical office environment makes you sick to your stomach, write that down.
[00:08:50] If you can't stand the thought of living in a cold climate, add that to the list. By knowing what you won't tolerate, many choices become much [00:09:00] easier to make. Plus, it allows you to set down a set of rules or policies about who and what you will invite into your life and the standards of behavior you will and won't tolerate.
[00:09:13] You can even take this a step further and make a list of things you're tolerating now. Start taking action to remove them from your life.
[00:09:23] The fourth question is, what are your key values? Spend some time searching your soul to come up with a list of your basic values. Brene Brown has a list of values you can look through.
[00:09:36] You can Google it, or I'll put the link in the show notes. I do an exercise identifying your most important values at the beginning of all of my coaching programs. It's really that important. Identify the values that would make you the person you want to be and would allow you to live the [00:10:00] life you want to live.
[00:10:01] Are you a person who values honesty, clean green living, a deep love of nature above all things? Or are you more of a comforts of home, family and fun kind of person? Do you value charity over letting others find their way on their own, or is it the other way around? Knowing what you truly stand for is a vital component of good decision making.
[00:10:27] The fifth and last question. What do you want to be remembered for? What legacy do you want to leave when you pass from this life? What would you want people to say about your life and you as a person? What do you wanna be known for even? What would you like your obituary to say about you? If this seems too morbid, you can move the question into the now; in my coaching session on clarity, we identify how we want others to see us.
[00:10:59] For [00:11:00] example, if you were to hear a couple of friends talking about you in the next aisle of the grocery store, what would you want them to be saying? Knowing the kind of person you want to be or where you want to end up makes choosing the path to get there and keeping track of your progress much easier.
[00:11:20] This is important reflective work to do, and not just once the answers to all of these questions will most likely change throughout your life as a college student, your answers will probably be different than how you would answer as a young mother or a young professional. Just as they'll be different again in midlife and again as a retiree, they can even change from year to year.
[00:11:47] Taking this time will help you make choices along your path so that you don't get to the end of a life, lived by default and wonder what happened. It's not always easy [00:12:00] to make decisions. And often there isn't any one right answer. That the important thing is to make a decision and try, because one decision you make can give you the information to make your next better decision.
[00:12:17] Seeking Clarity is the first and most important of the high performance habits I coach through. If you'd like to learn more, sign up for a free consultation or one of my upcoming workshops for an introduction to High Performance Coaching. I have one on one spots available, and I'm also starting a new cohort of my group coaching program coming up soon.
[00:12:44] There will be a link to either make an appointment or join a workshop in the show notes, or you're welcome to DM me and I will get them to you. Remember, no one's perfect and we're all doing the best we can. I'd be happy to help [00:13:00] you do the best you can. It's why I do what I do. That's it for now. Have a great rest of your day, and I will see you in here next week.
[00:13:09] Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the Extraordinary Life Podcast with writer and coach Crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast too. To find more helpful insights, show notes, and more about Crystal, go to Crystal Obregon.com. That's O B R E G O N, where you'll also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop.
[00:13:31] This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next time, be extraordinary.