Podcast Episode #32
[00:00:00] Aria: Welcome to the extraordinary life podcast from the creator of the extraordinary life tribe, crystal, over gone, the self-development podcast propelling you forward toward your goals. Using science backed high performance habits. Reach the next level in your physical and mental health. See new Heights in your relationships.
[00:00:18] Gain clarity on your purpose and live your extraordinary. Welcome your host writers, speaker and coach crystal over gone.
[00:00:30] Crystal: Hi there. This is crystal from Crystal Obregon coaching with episode number 32 of the Extraordinary Life Podcast.. In today's episode, I'm talking with Aria DiSalvio, a wife, mother, and musician.
[00:00:48] I'm not sure when we first met, I think our paths have crossed a few times over the years, but we got to know each other better when our son's passion for bikes and for [00:01:00] being in constant movement, brought them together. And Aria joined the Extraordinary Life Tribe about a year ago when she wanted some clarity about where she was heading as a musician.
[00:01:13] So let's get started Aria. Tell my listeners a little bit about yourself.
[00:01:20] Aria: Hi there. Thanks for having me on. I'm excited to share my experiences with your group and my experiences as a musician during the pandemic time, it's been a challenging time for everyone and being a musician during the pandemic has definitely posed
[00:01:45] a lot of questions, a lot of challenges. I feel very fortunate that I have had the option to put my being a musician into more of a hobby category during this [00:02:00] time period, and really focusing on my family life, which has been very nurturing to me, but also has its own challenges during this time. But meanwhile, putting my life as a musician
[00:02:16] into the hobby category brought up so many questions about how I would move forward, what my goals could be and what I wanted my goals to be, what the world would allow my goals to be as a musician moving forward. So I came to the coaching group with a lot of uncertainty about who I was as a musician that I wanted to be, who I've been in the past.
[00:02:44] Who I was at this moment during the pandemic, when all shows and teaching and camps and all the things I used to be involved in symphony, fiddle camps, lots of different styles [00:03:00] and context for my musical outlet? When all of that went away, I was left with a lot of questions. Who do I want to be when all of this is over and there was this incredible space that was created and that can be very freeing and it can also be scary.
[00:03:24] I was very, very happy to have this group. This coaching group to work through all the myriad of emotions and questions that came up for me, having had to let all of my professional life go. I didn't really give you much background about myself as a musician. And so let me just share that really briefly.
[00:03:48] Well, I'd say now I just consider myself a musician pre pandemic. I would definitely have called myself a cellist. And I studied the cello at the [00:04:00] university of Michigan, a very rigorous classical performance program. And after graduating, I had many years of professional chamber music symphony as well as just a lot of freelance gigs and concerts.
[00:04:18] And I really developed myself as a cello teacher as well. Hundreds of private cello students. I have also started some string programs at public schools and I conducted youth orchestras at a few different music programs. So really just fully immersed in the music world, the classical music world and the world of teaching and inspiring the next generation of cellists and musicians.
[00:04:52] I also then got very interested in folk music and began studying [00:05:00] traditional Celtic music, go into some different fiddle camps and then very quickly transitioned to teaching at the camps instead of studying. So the main camp that I was involved in is the valley of the man Scottish middle school and Sierra Fidel can both run dialysis different.
[00:05:20] So, um, pre pandemic, I was trying to juggle the classical music world, the folk music world and family life. When it all went away, all of the musical engagement. Then I had a lot of questions about how I might develop myself in some new ways musically. So what's come out of that is developing my singing voice, learning to play a claw hammer banjo.
[00:05:49] And continuing to develop my cello skills, both classical music and folk music. Nice for being prepared for whatever [00:06:00] life throws at me next
[00:06:03] Crystal: right in life has thrown a lot between the pandemic fires, all of those things.
[00:06:11] What's something surprising that you've learned about yourself in the past year?
[00:06:17] Aria: I think that I'm very proud of myself and slightly surprised, but not too surprised that I would no matter what is going on in the outer world.
[00:06:31] And no matter how much I questioned myself as a musician at times and get very negative about my path as a musician, my skills as a musician. The world of music and this culture, you know, there can be many things you can focus on in a negative way, but no matter what, I always come back to. The positive, [00:07:00] passionate side of myself that really loves music, always wants to be growing as a musician and goes for it.
[00:07:10] So I love that part of myself and I love that even. During some dark moments when I was like, I'm quitting cello. I'm not even a musician anymore. And then to just always come out of that into, I love music. I want to be creative. These are the guests I was given. This is the way that I am really supposed to be creative in the world.
[00:07:35] Just embracing that more.
[00:07:37] Crystal: If you could give any of my listeners some advice about how to come out of that dark place when things don't seem like they're going very well and it's could be easy to just put a pillow over your head instead of
[00:07:56] Aria: Just giving yourself permission and space [00:08:00] to feel like, get in touch with your authentic creative self.
[00:08:06] And kind of try to silence all the voices of what you should do or what you should be, what you shouldn't be, what you can do, what you can't do. Just try to quiet all those down because there's so many. So just really, really step back from all the places and then give yourself some space, ideally, a little bit every day to.
[00:08:34] Really feel like what is important to me as an artist or in any other realm? Like what it's really important to me, what's speaking to me right now. What do I want to explore? What do I want to learn more? What unique gifts might I offer the world? Or maybe, you know, don't even work that broadly. And maybe it's just very personal, like.
[00:08:58] what [00:09:00] unique gifts like in this moment, can I explore in my living room? But so I guess just allowing that space to happen in your day have to be creative or delve into something that you get excited about and passionate about and do not let any of those voices in your head tell you that you can't do that.
[00:09:26] Right. Great. The mindset is key. Growth mindset is key.
[00:09:32] Crystal: I know it has been hard, especially for musicians. My husband's a musician and during probably the first, I don't know, three or four months of the pandemic, he, all of a sudden really didn't have any space for himself because at the time the area that he used while the kids were at school, It was no longer a quiet space.
[00:09:54] So he was writing and playing and doing all this in his closet [00:10:00] basically, which does have a window at least. But I took a picture of him. Doing music in the closet because I was proud of him and I posted it on social media and he made me take it down. He's like, no, that's awful. I don't want, and I'm like, no, you're, you're doing it.
[00:10:16] And now he sees that he definitely wasn't the only one playing music in a closet for sure.
[00:10:27] Aria: Oh yes. I have many, many stories of practicing my cello while my kids were on zoom classes and different rooms. And my son would be on zoom class in the porch and riding his skateboard by the company or the motorcycles that you'd be riding. I made just so many. So many funny stories, I think we all have now about the balancing, the juggling act of it.
[00:10:54] All right. But just doing it, doing it no matter what. [00:11:00]
[00:11:00] Crystal: And that leads me to, yes. One of the running themes over the past couple of years, I still can't believe it's been a couple of years now, it's been even harder balancing being a mom, wife, musician, whatever else you want to do in your life. And of course it was even harder when the kids were completely online for school.
[00:11:23] What have you learned in the past year? Or what advice or tips would you give to other moms who are trying to find their stride and are trying to be. Fantastic moms while also trying to follow their passions.
[00:11:40] Aria: I think what has helped me, and this is partly thanks to the coaching group, Crystal was really being very thoughtful and deliberate about creating a daily routine that incorporated everything that I value.
[00:11:59] So [00:12:00] that would be quality time with my kids and being a support to them in whatever ways they need me to be. Also a lot of my time is spent and all of your moms out there can relate to just being the domestic organizer. You know, does creating this, the home space so that everyone in the family can thrive and be productive and not be surrounded by masses and clutter.
[00:12:31] And also by of course, feeding the family nourishing meals and driving them places. So just all of the domestic work that is so important, but can take up all of your time if you like. Having these strong routines that incorporated those important tasks, but also gave time every day to working on my passion, even though it [00:13:00] was completely not practical to do so.
[00:13:03] And just carving it out, just putting it into that daily routine, writing it in. When am I going to do it? I'm going to do it. Right. When I get home from the drop-off at school, going to ignore the dirty dishes, just get it done. I've been lucky to be able to carve out a couple hours every day to play music.
[00:13:25] Once you, finagel away to like fit all the things in that are important to you almost every day, it feels pretty sustainable and healthy.
[00:13:37] Crystal: I know that you have a daughter that's still pretty young. Second grade. I really firmly believe that when we do take that time for ourselves. And when we do follow our passions, even when, as you said, not practical that we are role models for our kids, male or [00:14:00] female, but especially for our daughters.
[00:14:03] Is there a personality trait or characteristic or a way of being that you hope that you pass on to your daughter?
[00:14:12] Aria: So many, but
[00:14:16] Crystal: You can do more than one.
[00:14:18] One thing that I was, my kids are growing up, discovering about our family culture is just this. Commitment to finding what you're passionate about and commitment to living it out.
[00:14:34] So my son is a very passionate mountain biker and has really made tremendous progress since you've got interested in mountain biking when he was about 10. No, not maybe nine 13, but.
[00:14:55] Good of a young junior pro mountain biker. [00:15:00] Now that rides for specialized spikes and our some other companies as well. So that's been exciting to see him find his passion and really go for it and just devote a lot of time and energy. And. But always being in touch with the joy of it, not the competition side of it.
[00:15:19] So that's what I hope for my daughter as well. She right now loves dance and I'm really encouraging and supporting that task, not to be a professional dancer probably, but just to develop her artistic musical self in that context, but also to be free to explore a lot of other. Areas that you might be interested in.
[00:15:44] She just started piano lessons and very happy about that. She used to play violin. She's only seven to set a short little life full of full of good things. She also just started soccer with her friends. So of course there's all the, [00:16:00] all the great activities to be involved in, but really to develop a passion, whatever it may be.
[00:16:08] And to become skilled in that area and to grow your confidence through really devoting ourselves, to developing whatever that passionate is. I really feel that when you devote yourself wholeheartedly, you experience herself grilling and being good at something really helps your confidence in all different areas.
[00:16:35] So I would say. That I've been pretty good in my life at doing that for, with my music and just really like always seeking ways to grow and to build my skills and build my confidence. So I hope that I can pass that on to her with whatever area she chooses to really develop in.
[00:16:56] Right. I was thinking about our interview [00:17:00] and how really how lucky our kids are in the sense that they are getting that support to follow their dreams, really, to dream big. I know that your son is really dreaming big and, and going back. I watched my son and he's gotten very into a different branch of cycling and he wants to take it as far as he can go.
[00:17:27] We're encouraging him to not have any regrets and to take it as far as he can go along with my daughter too. She's in art school and pursuing interior design and furniture design. And it's really such a gift because it just gives us a step at the, as far as you know, I don't know about your parents, but mine bless their hearts.
[00:17:52] They didn't have that vision of going big, like that.
[00:17:58] Aria: Absolutely. I think [00:18:00] that's one huge gift that you and I both can and are giving to our kids, which is that freedom, that space to really develop and that support system underneath, right. To support them in any way that they need to, to be able to dream big and reach those goals.
[00:18:18] I know my parents were definitely somewhat supportive, but like I really wanted to go to a boarding high school. That was a music school. They were just like, no way. You're not leaving home early for various reasons. But just thinking about all the ways when you're really young, like if you really want to go big, there's certain things that should be allowed and supported if possible.
[00:18:47] And it's really amazing to be in the opportunity now with my own kids that I can allow and support those big dreams. And. Uh, mindset that I've kind of found later in [00:19:00] my life. And I didn't use to have this mindset is if someone can do it, why can't I. Th that is, you know, the quintessential growth mindset.
[00:19:12] Right. But I never had that growing up. And of course, I mean, I didn't even know the term growth mindset. And I think this is fairly new, that this is common knowledge, right? The book Mindset by Carol Dweck. I believe that came out maybe five years ago.
[00:19:32] Crystal: I think a little bit longer. I have a copy, but I'm not sure when it came out.
[00:19:37] Aria: That book was really influential to me when I read it started to think, well, if that person can play banjo, I mean, certainly I, a professional classical cellist should be able to also play the banjo.
[00:19:54] Um, but I didn't have, I, I used to look at other musicians doing things [00:20:00] that I didn't know how to do, and just think like, somehow they had this other talent that I would never have, and just really started to realize that I'm fully capable of learning new things and new styles of music instruments. And of course, it's just a matter of like how much time do you want to devote to it and seeking out the right teachers and thinking out the right inspiration.
[00:20:26] But just that idea of, if someone out there can do it, then you certainly can, too. It doesn't mean everybody's going to reach the very top of the profession or be the best player on that instrument to a certain degree. Everybody can learn. And if somebody can, you can so go for it. Don't let don't don't feel like you don't have the right whatever skills or.
[00:20:54] Passion or talents or anything, just set your mind to. [00:21:00] Do a little bit every day and you will definitely grow and make
[00:21:03] Crystal: progress. And so much of it is often that fear of failure that people don't try big because it is one thing to play the banjo in your own home. And then it's a whole other thing to go out and play in front of people.
[00:21:21] That is what often stops people. Yeah.
[00:21:24] Aria: Many years to realize that that could be a possibility.
[00:21:30] Crystal: Switching gears a little bit. You did talk about being inspired by other people. Tell me about one or two of the most influential people in your life and how they impacted you.
[00:21:44] Aria: One of the most inspiring musicians that I've had a wonderful opportunity to work with many, many times as a co-teacher at the fiddle camps that I teach at. She's a [00:22:00] cellist. Her name is Natalie Haas, and she has really been a pioneer in bringing the cello into traditional music, particularly traditional Scottish music, but she is just a wiz at playing in many different styles.
[00:22:18] And. Many different traditional music styles in particular. So for example, she's really into Swedish music now. So she studied and now teaches a lot of Swedish music. As well as Scottish and Irish, and I consider her the queen of alternative cello styles. Then she was my teacher when she was very young, she gives us she's much younger than I am.
[00:22:47] And so when I first got excited about, well, she was the person that got me excited about Celtic music. And so I started to go to some of the camps that she teaches that. [00:23:00] Probably maybe 15 at the time when she started teaching me, I would say just every time I hear her from the time she was 15 until the present, she's always growing all the time as a musician.
[00:23:19] And she's always projecting an incredible confidence without the big ego. So she's very humble. But also extremely confident and extremely skilled. So it's an amazing combination to find somebody who's like genuinely really kind and really humble and just like cares about other people. And yet is just this master at what they're doing and really an innovator.
[00:23:52] So she's like really taken cello into this genre of Celtic music and really [00:24:00] like develop this whole style and has influenced hundreds, probably thousands of younger musicians and all the musicians. So she is definitely one of my role models and people I always go to for inspiration. Somebody I always have wanted to emulate.
[00:24:23] Crystal: I like that. I'm sure she'd be happy to hear that about herself.
[00:24:27] I think I've told her many times.
[00:24:30] I wouldn't mind telling. Good. All right. As we wrap this up, is there a question you wish that I would have asked you and how would you have answered.
[00:24:44] Aria: Well, I think that I would just like to make a plug for your coaching group, your Extraordinary Life Tribe.
[00:24:52] If I haven't already being part of a group of women that had a dedicated time to meet two times every [00:25:00] month to share our experiences, to share our struggles during the pandemic, to share our excitement, to share like, what are we working on? What are we working towards? Or to share that we have no idea what we're doing and what we want to do or to share, like, aren't I too old to do that or wait, isn't that just completely impractical.
[00:25:28] And then to have everyone surround you with no, no, you should take that. You can do it. You're not too old, to have a group that you can like really spend time thinking through, talking through, listening through your goals and dreams and every area of your life. So it's been just like really positive for me too.
[00:25:56] Have that time, this last year, every [00:26:00] couple of times a month to really be focusing on sorting it all out. I especially think that it's good because it, it kind of forced me to look at my whole life because I can tend to focus just on the music. I mean, I certainly focus on my family when I'm in my family mode, but if I'm like talking about my career as so much about music, And it was really surprising actually, and good to come to the group thinking I was only going to be focusing on my career and music questions, but really to discover that it was just about your whole life, it was about your health, your relationships.
[00:26:45] It was about your spirituality, your finances. What are you learning? What do you want to learn? Everything? Might want to really think through like how you're showing up and how, and what ways do you want to move forward? What are your [00:27:00] goals in each area was great to have a dedicated time to look at each area and really get clear about what you're doing.
[00:27:08] Well, what you, aren't, what isn't going. Well, how could you like improve in those areas? Feel like it really helped me to get much more clear and much more confident in just kind of who I am in the present and who I want to be moving forward. So thank you. That's my plug for the Extraordinary Life Tribe led by you Crystal.
[00:27:36] Crystal: Thank you.
[00:27:37] I think it's always a special group. It's amazing for me to see women coming together and not everybody was a mom in our group, even. And just to see different women in different careers coming together and the wisdom that was shared in the group by you and by the [00:28:00] other other members. I think that that's something that women need more of.
[00:28:05] Aria: Absolutely. I agree. I always came away writing down like, oh, I'm going to check out that book or that supplement or that journal.
[00:28:18] Crystal: Yeah.
[00:28:19] Aria: It's just a great time to share knowledge and support each other. Absolutely.
[00:28:24] Crystal: So Aria, where can my listeners find you online?
[00:28:29] They can find me on my website, ariadisalvio com.
[00:28:33] All right.
[00:28:34] And do you have an Instagram presence?
[00:28:36] Aria: Yes. And Instagram as well. Um, aria dissolve you. I don't know, even know my Instagram handle that. Okay.
[00:28:45] Crystal: I'll put both of those in the show notes. So thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with me and my listeners. I think they'll find it very inspiring.
[00:28:59] That's it for now? [00:29:00] I have a great rest of your day also. And I will see you in here next week. Bye for now.
[00:29:08] Aria: Thank you for listening to the extraordinary life podcast with Ryder and coach crystal Obregon. We'd love to connect with you outside of the podcast, too. To find more helpful insights, show notes and more about crystal.
[00:29:18] Go tocrystalobregon.com that's O B R E G O N, where you will also find info for the Design Your Decade workshop. This workshop will help you to stop drifting and start creating. Until next time. Be extraordinary.