Why You’re Struggling With Your Goals (And What To Do About It)

Listen on The Extraordinary Life Podcast

Have you ever wondered why you’re struggling to achieve a goal when you want it so badly? I’ve been hearing a lot of people struggling with this, which is why my podcast has been heavy on the cheerleading lately. You definitely are not alone! The struggle to move from what you don’t want into what you do want is more common than you might think. So why does it happen, and what can you do about it? I have some answers. 

The Struggle Is Real

When I work with clients who are feeling stuck and just can’t seem to reach the goals they so desperately want, they feel like they are banging their heads against a wall. “I want this so bad! Why can’t I make it happen!?” Very often, it turns out that they are the ones holding themselves back, though they don’t see it. (Hooray for an outside perspective!)

The trick to ending this stagnant situation is to take action… but when you’re stuck, you’re stuck! Something needs to change to get you out of the mud and moving again. I’ve found that the easiest way to find momentum again is by being authentic to yourself and in alignment with that authenticity. 

Authentic Alignment

When you’re authentic to yourself, you’re connected to who you are deep down and your desires reflect your inner self and soul. Then, when you are aligned, your entire being is in agreement with the goal you want to achieve. These are big concepts, but stay with me here. 

Imagine you’re committed to being healthy and to taking care of your body; it’s authentically who you are. Yet one night, you come home from work after a tough day and would rather not do the workout you have planned. You’re tired, sit down on the couch, and talk yourself into changing into your workout clothes to go for a run. That “convincing yourself” part was actually getting yourself into alignment with your goal. 

To end your own struggles with your goals to successfully achieve them, all parts of you must work together. Your goals need to be true to who you are, and also in agreement with your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual selves. If there are any doubts, limiting beliefs, or attachments, it will be more of a struggle to get what you want because you’re fighting against yourself. 

Check Your Alignment & Authenticity

If you’re not getting any traction with your goals or are feeling stuck, I have a process that will help. You can use it any time to do an authenticity check on your goals and bring yourself in alignment with them. 

1. Reflect. Sit quietly in a peaceful, nurturing place where you’ll be comfortable and uninterrupted. Spend several minutes quietly reflecting on the goal that you’re feeling stuck on. Think about why the goal is (or was) important to you, and how it would feel to achieve it. 
2. Check Authenticity. Next, ask yourself if this goal feels like the appropriate goal for you to achieve at this time. If the answer is yes, move to the next step. If the answer is no, ask yourself what would be more appropriate right now. Grab your pen and paper, and start brainstorming. By asking yourself this question, you move from being ruled by your survival mind and ego, and you'll begin to access the deeper desires of your soul. Keep writing until you feel that you’ve come to an answer that aligns with who you authentically are right now. 
3. Become Aligned. Once you've defined your goal and it feels authentic, it's time to create alignment. Remain in your quiet, comfortable space and ask to speak to your mental self. Ask your mind if it's willing to be in alignment with your goal. The purpose of this question is to uncover any blocks or limitations that reside in your mind concerning your goal. If the answer is yes, ask the same question of your physical self, spiritual self, and finally your emotional self. 

If any part of your self says “no,” have a conversation with that part of you. Ask what that part of you needs to become aligned to the goal, or why it isn’t willing to be aligned. When a part of you isn't willing to be in alignment with an authentic goal, the cause may be fear or insecurity. If this feels like it might be the case, ask yourself what you're afraid of. 

For example, maybe there's a job you've had your eye on but you're not prepping for the interview like you should. Ask yourself what's stopping you? Figuring out what might stop you ahead of time is invaluable to following through with the decision, especially if it's out of your comfort zone. You might fear that the job will take too much time and you won't be able to spend as much time with your family. Or maybe you fear that you won't have time to exercise, or that you'll have to choose between spending time with your kids and getting exercise. 

Usually, the situation is remedied by helping that part of you understand that it’s taken care of, that it’s safe, and that it has nothing to fear. You might need to map out how you would make things work. I know it might seem silly to talk to yourself like this, but simply have a conversation with that part of yourself and inform it of the truth once you've found it.

4. Affirmation. Once you feel like you've worked through anything that's stopping you, affirm your alignment with your goal and your intention to manifest it. Once you receive the willingness of all parts of you, thank them for supporting you in your goal. 

By completing this process, you create an authentic goal and bring yourself into full alignment with it. Then you can move forward without struggle because your blocks have been removed. 

This is an exercise that you can come back to again and again. As you get closer to your goal, new fears or “stopping places” may pop up. This is when you need to stop, get quiet, and check in with yourself and what is coming up for you. Personal development is an ongoing process, and one that you have complete control over. 

Need Clarity?

If you’d like some help finding clarity on what you want and how to get there, I’ve got another Free Workshop coming soon, as well as new dates for my Design Your Decade Workshop. These are excellent opportunities to reflect on the past year and enter the new one knowing exactly what to focus on before New Year’s Eve rolls around. 

If you’re seriously committed to achieving your Extraordinary Life, learn more about the Extraordinary Life Tribe starting in January. If you sign up as an Early Bird you get $500 off and Free Registration for a Design Your Decade Workshop.