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What If You Don't Have a Dream?

Listen instead on The Extraordinary Life Podcast

I had a great conversation with a woman the other day, and she asked me “What if I don’t know what my dream is?” She was craving more from her life but didn’t have a vision of what she wanted that to look like. It was such a great question because many people that I work with start in that very same place. If you don’t have a dream yet, it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve a more fulfilling life; it just means you need to do some work to discover it. 

Clarity is The First Step to Living Your Dream

Before I work with my clients one-on-one or in The Extraordinary Life Tribe, I like them to go through the Design Your Decade Workshop first. Learning what you want is the first step to creating your dream life because with clarity, you can take action. Then both steps will be repeated again and again as you work toward your goals. 

Get clear on what you want. Take action towards it. Find more clarity based on your experience. Take more action toward your clearer goal. 

Around and around it goes. It’s through this process that you’ll find yourself living a life of alignment, joy, and fulfillment. Still, you need some sort of direction to get started. 

The woman I spoke with did have several things she was passionate about, but she wasn't certain that these hobbies were her purpose. That was a big realization for her because while some people use hobbies as a guiding light, she didn’t feel the same way. That’s great because now she can start to look at other areas of her life for inspiration and what might be holding her back.

Choose Your Filters

As you do the work to find clarity around what you really want, you’re going to come up against some challenges. While the woman I spoke to wasn’t interested in turning her hobbies into more, there are lots of women I’ve worked with who did want to; unfortunately, the beliefs passed down to them made them believe their dreams couldn’t become reality. 

The filter we see our lives through can prevent us from seeing our true purpose, even if it’s sitting right there in front of us. If you’ve ever played with Instagram filters before, you know how a picture can look different, depending on the filter you choose. The same scene can look bright and cheery, cartoonish, or even dark and scary. Which one is true? They can all be, and the best part is that you can choose the filter you want. When it comes to our own passed-down filters, however, it can be hard to see when they’re affecting your life negatively. 

When we see life through the belief systems that were handed down to us without questioning them, we see only one truth: the one we’ve been taught. This can make it very difficult to make changes or even believe that you can accomplish certain things. These limiting beliefs just sit there in your subconscious brain, preventing you from fulfilling your deepest desires. If you’ve been searching for what your deepest dreams are but keep coming up empty-handed, examining your filters and beliefs through journaling is a great place to start. 

5 Questions to Help You Find Your Dream

If you’re facing ambiguity about what you really want for your life, the following journal prompts will help. You can write them in your own journal or download the free, fillable worksheet instead. 

As you answer the questions, try and notice any automatic, negative reactions that pop up. They might be things like: “This isn’t realistic” or “It will cost too much money” or “I’m past the age for that” or even “People like me don’t do things like that.” Whatever the thought is, consider where it’s coming from and try to reverse it. “This is something I can do” or “I can find the money to start” or “People like me do things like this!” 

This exercise is meant to help you uncover ideas to explore as you pursue your dream, so don’t censor yourself. Not everything you write will be your purpose, but you never know what might come up or trigger something exciting. So go big with your answers and fill in as much detail as possible. 

  1. What would you do with your time if you had no need for money? 
  2. What gifts or skills do you have that you can share with the world? Don’t be modest! What do people come to you for or compliment you on? 
  3. When in your life did you feel the most creative? What was going on then? What were you doing? Who was around you? What was your environment like? 
  4. What comes naturally to you? When I look back to my college days, I remember tutoring beginner algebra. Before we started with math I had my students work on their mindset and being relaxed. I didn’t know anything about mindset or belief then, but I just knew it was important for them to be relaxed before we started. 
  5. What have you accomplished in the past that was successful or that you are proud of? Why were you successful? Who were the people around you then? What was your environment like? What habits did you have in place? 

Stay Open

When you ask yourself these questions, you’ll start to awaken your subconscious mind and find yourself searching deeper within. For that reason, I recommend doing this journaling work every day for a week to see what comes up. Then, choose a thread that you want to explore and set a related, short-term goal to take action on it. Maybe it’s taking a drawing class, joining a running club, or talking to someone who does what you’re interested in. 

If you have a desire to be, do, or have something, then the opportunity exists for you to pursue it. You just need to be open to seeing it. 

If you don’t have a dream that’s calling to you yet, you can learn more about how I can help and what it’s like to work with me by booking a Free Consult Call or attending one of the Free Group Coaching Sessions I’m offering through March 2022.

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